Then She Found Me....

Kelly over at Talking Tummies called me last night and told me about this movie that I just HAD to watch. I tell you....she was right. It's called "Then She Found Me". It was on my cable's movies on demand channel. I have never heard of it but if you get the chance to see it, please do! I went from laughing one minute to sobbing the next. For anyone dealing with infertility and/or adoption, it will tug at your heart strings.

Nothing new in my world. Still no sign on AF. Part of me wants to be hopeful that I have a Christmas miracle but then the realistic side kicks in and makes me remember how much it takes for me to even ovulate. Sigh...I may test tomorrow, just to be sure.

We got an email back from our social worker telling us that the little girl we are interested in possibly adopting may not be available. Her photo is out there but something weird is going on with her profile. It's really hard not to get attached to these photos. She loves music and loves to sing. I've already thought about how fun it would be to teach her piano lessons. I HAVE to stop doing this to myself. I want to get my hopes up but I can't. So, we will just wait to hear from her.

I hope you have a Merry Christmas. Let's make the most of it even though we don't have what we want the most. If only Santa could bring us babies!!

We Are Approved!

We got the official word that our home study was approved and we are now licensed to be an adoptive home. And it only took us 4.5 months! I still can't believe we are walking down this road. I'm excited but scared to death at the same time. We need to make a family book to give to the prospective child. We also need to write a letter to the case workers of the children so we can "stand out"! It will be wonderful and I can't wait to be a mommy. I have no idea how long it will take but it seems more certain than popping one out on my own.

Speaking of which, I'm on cycle day 32 and still no sign of my monthly visitor. My cycles vary so I really can't pinpoint when I'll start. I had some spotting on Thursday and thought for sure that it was coming. Nothing since. Arrgghhh.... If I haven't started by CD 36 I'll test. I'm not expecting anything though. Well, other than to start my period and get this party started again. Meds are sitting in my fridge waiting to be injected!

Oh, that reminds me. I spent a good bit of time with my BFF Wendy this week(we've been friends for 19 years). Her mother Debbi and grandmother Big Mimi are convinced that I'm supposed to adopt and then I'll get pregnant. To help me along, Debbi sent me home with a pair of earrings and a necklace charm of Kokopelli. I was instructed to wear them both until I have a baby. Them I'm to send them back to her. Ever heard of Kokopelli? He's a fertility deity in certain Native American/ Aztec groups. He is said to carry unborn children on his back and distribute them to women. (Seriously! Check it out on wikipedia!) If only he existed in real life. RE's would be out of business! ANYWAY! I thought it was very sweet and hey, why not? I'm all for trying anything at this point. Would you wear it?

I finally made it home last night around 11:30. My flight was delayed in Houston for almost 3 hours. I could have driven home in the amount of time I had to wait on the plane to arrive! I was really glad to be home. I love my family but HOLY HELL! They are crazy! Between my sister being manic and mean and my grandmother wanting to off herself anytime someone remotely challenges anything she says, it was quite the eventful week. Plus my nieces and nephew are wild and try to tear each other limb from limb while their mother doesn't even seem to notice. My sister and I couldn't be more different. I like structure and organization. I expect respect from children and am not afraid to discipline them. I found out that time out works wonders even on an 11 year old! My sister just sits on the couch and frowns all day. Depression anyone? I could go on for days but I'll spare you. Let's just suffice it to say that it was an insane week.

Ugh...

It's been a while, huh? I'm in Alabama visiting my family and friends. And I honestly have to say that my friends are much more fun. That's horrible, I know. It's just that my sister is such a difficult person. She's pissed if I'm around her and she's pissed if I'm not. I'll give you more updates later. I'll be home late Sunday night. Is all of this family visiting better than a sharp stick in the eye? Just barely...

P.S. We are waiting, impatiently, for our home study approval. Hopefully we will get word tomorrow and can submit an interest! Cross your fingers!

Home Study is DONE!

Well, most of it's done. Our case worker is interviewing hubs as we speak. I had my individual interview then we had our combined one over dinner. Now they are doing his. I was banished to the office. =) It was not too bad. I feel like I answered the same questions as I did for all the paper work that we submitted. It went by fairly quickly! So, now we wait...again. Once the home study is officially typed up, etc., we can submit an interest of a child. Then we wait....again. Hopefully this process won't take too long. I'd like to have a child before I'm 40!

You know, I actually can't believe how quickly everything has gone by. We were so scared of going through all of this but it hasn't been that bad. I think our case worker made all the difference. She is an awesome person and makes us feel so comfortable. Let's see how difficult it's going to be moving forward. Hopefully it won't be difficult at all! I'm ready for something to happen without a fight!

It's Snowing!! In Texas!!

(Mandy...this is for you! I know it's not 30 below zero with 10 feet of snow like it is up in Minnesota but it's frikin snowing in Austin! )

So, today we broke a record with our 81 degree high. This cold front blew through about 3 pm and the temp dropped about 20 degrees in an hour. We went to dinner around 7:30 and it was sleeting. I just looked outside and this is what I found! Big puffy snow flakes! I can see it now...people are storming the grocery stores for milk and bread! I'm sure some knucklehead will try to call out from work tomorrow due to the snow!! Ha!!

Here is the forecast: TONIGHT'S AUSTIN AREA WEATHER FORECAST:
Sleet and snow overnight in Austin. Some may stick to grassy areas, but since roadways are still quite warm from Tuesday's 81 degree high temperature, slick roads are not expected. Precipitation will likely end before sunrise.
LOW: 31°

P.S. Oh, notice the snow on the palm tree?

P.P.S or is it P.S.S?? Go ahead... laugh at me! I know it's just a few snow flakes but it's just crazy for it to happen here!! =)

Leah, pull yourself together!

Isn't it "interesting" how dealing with infertility makes us a bunch of bitches? I hear stories of women who have tried and tried to get pregnant! I read a blog the other day that said something like "We tried for 8 long months and FINALLY! We are pregnant!" Or hearing about women who got pregnant on their 3rd cycle of Clomid...and it was such a long, tedious journey, and FINALLY, after all this time, we are FINALLY pregnant! In my bitchy brain I just want to smack them for being so naive. But haven't they gone through struggles as well? Sure, they haven't been through what some of us have. And I wouldn't wish it on anyone. But why do I feel this way about it? Is it jealousy, that they had a relatively easy time getting and staying pregnant? I can't pinpoint it. Do you go through the same emotions as me?

When I got pregnant in May I was following 2 bloggers that got pregnant right after I did. Now they are only a few short weeks away from delivering their babies. Me? I'm gearing up for even MORE treatment and having new reproductive issues pop up at every turn. It just makes me mad! Not at them, but at what I'm dealing with. It just sucks. Plus, I'm getting older! I'll be 36 this summer. That's considered advanced maternal age. What the crap? I just want to kick and scream.

Have you ever read this blog: http://www.tertia.org/so_close/
This woman lives in South Africa and has been through SOOO much. She has a set of IVF twins but she went through hell and back to get them. I think she's been pregnant 7 or 8 times. You'll have to read her back story. You can do so here: http://www.tertia.org/so_close/2008/11/not-exactly-a-s.html
Anyway, she has had late losses, early losses, etc., and been through IVF about 500 times. Well, just before her 40th birthday, she found out that she was pregnant. Surprise! At the moment, she is 15 weeks pregnant and all is well. Now, this woman? I can be happy for!

I guess I just need to realize that my brain and body is just all jacked up! I feel like I need a good smack in the face, a good shake, and for someone to tell me to GET IT TOGETHER!!

Softball!

Here are some pics from the 1st softball game of the season. It's a team from my RE's office and since I'm friends with everyone, they asked me to play. Since I suck at anything sports related, hubs decided he would play instead. He's really good! I realized that in the 5 years I've known him that I've never seen him play sports. I've seen him snow ski, which I find VERY sexy, but never seen anything else. I was quite impressed with him! Anyway, I digress...
It was cold out last night! Well, cold for Texas. It was around 40 degrees when the game started. Notice how everyone is all bundled up! This is a great group of people and I'm blessed to have them in my life!

Here's me and my handsome man!