What a week!

My friend Kelly has been here all week and we have had a blast! How can time go by so quickly? Her daughter is so cute and we had such a great time catching up. We did a little bit of everything! The weather was so warm and gorgeous and we just loved being outside.

First, we went to the capital. It is the largest in the country and open to the public. So, we roamed around for a while!

Sorry, it's crooked! Beautiful, huh?

Then we had lunch at a place called Hula Hut. It's right on the lake that runs right through downtown. It was so much fun!

After lunch we went to Barton Springs Pool. It's a spring fed pool that is about 68 degrees year round. People swim even in the winter. We didn't swim, we just walked around. Imagine how pretty it is when the trees are green!

Me and little Mackenzie!

Here is a site that NO ONE should ever have to witness. Just be glad you didn't see him laying on his back! OMG!!

One more view of Austin! (this was taken last summer but I wanted to show you in case you've never been here!)

On Thursday we headed to San Antonio! Welcome to the Alamo!

The grounds are so beautiful. Here is me and hubs! (we are great photographers, huh? crooked, blurry!)

My wonderful friend Kelly and her daughter Mac.

Then off to the River Walk! I never get tired of going here! We ate lunch at the Rainforest Cafe and then walked around for a while.

More River Walk...

The church bells were ringing right before we took this picture!

Looks like fun, huh?

On a different note, I am feeling like crap today. YAY! I'm grateful for that. My first ultrasound is scheduled for Wednesday and I'm already having heart palpitations just thinking about it. I pray that everything looks good. They told me that I shouldn't expect to see a heart beat but I am praying that I see a strong one! It's early but that would be fabulous! I will go back in for bloodwork on Monday. My doctor says going weekly is fine, but I don't think it is. I'm going about every 5th day. I would rather get my estrogen and progesterone checked more often than not. So, I'm just going to have it done!

I hope you had a Happy New year and that this year brings you much happiness and babies/children galore!

Over one more hurdle

I had more blood work done today. I was supposed to go in on Friday but decided to go in today instead. Everything looks good. My hcg was 2177, up from 111. I was very very pleased with this number. My progesterone went down a bit, as well as my estrogen. Not sure what the doc will want to do about this. I should hear something tomorrow. I've got about 5 bazillion hurdles to jump over with this pregnancy. I am just grateful for the good news so far! We will probably schedule an ultrasound for some time next week. maybe the next. I am 5-ish weeks today. Not sure when we will change weeks since I don't know when I ovulated. Hopefully the ultrasound will be great and we will see a heartbeat. I'm already getting nervous about it! Yikes!!

Happy New Year all!

Ignorance Is Bliss

Some women have no issues getting pregnant, no issues during pregnancy, have perfectly healthy babies, and don't think twice about it. The less you know, the less you have to worry about. Take my sister for instance. She has 3 children. Once she saw that positive pregnancy test there was no doubt that a baby would be there 9 months later. She never worried that she might miscarry. She never looked for blood on tp or tried to eat right and stay away from things like caffeine. Heck, during her last pregnancy, diet coke was her drink of choice! And sure enough, 9 months later she gave birth to her perfectly healthy children.

I am not the least bit ignorant of what could happen...what has happened. I hate so much that the enjoyment of pregnancy has been robbed from me. Instead of dreaming of what my child will be like and how wonderful it will be to bring a life into this world I'm worrying about doubling betas and not bleeding. And making sure I do everything the doctors are telling me to do. To avoid aerobic activity and not lift anything over 20 pounds.

Nothing can be easy apparently. My friend Keri has a friend named Christy. She has had 2 miscarriages and is now pregnant for the 3rd time, with twins, via IVF. First, she had a HORRIBLE case of OHSS. She has been bleeding pretty much since she got her positive test. She is 17 weeks along and has been on bed rest the entire time. Yesterday she went to brush her teeth and realized that half of her face was paralyzed. Long story short, she has Bell's Palsy. 98 out 100 people who have it will make a full recovery. She is worried that she will be one of those 2. Can you blame her? I tell you, it's just not fair.

I have had some very light pink, I wouldn't even call it spotting, on the tp when going to the bathroom. Of course, I'm freaking out. Keri says it's completely normal especially since I am doing the vag. progesterone supps. twice a day. Apparently that can cause irritation. I guess as long as there is no bright red blood there is no cause for immediate concern. Well, even if there is, there is nothing I can do about it. Maybe it's the whole idea of have absolutely no control over the situation that is so hard. I can't figure it out. For now, all we can do it wait.

Thanks

Thanks for your support bloggy friends. I really appreciate it! I was just freaking out a little and needed you guys! Nothing too much going on at the moment. I was so exhausted this morning that I stayed in bed until 11:30. I have had nausea off and on today too. I would like to think it's a good thing but I had it with my last pregnancy too. And, well, we all know how that ended. I'm just trying to remind myself that nothing means anything. And these damn prog. suppositories? They make me freak out because I keep feel something....you know like when your period starts? So, every time I go to the bathroom I am praying there is no blood. I'm 5 days into this and it already feels like a lifetime.

My friend Kelly, over at talking tummies, is driving in tomorrow from Birmingham for a visit! I am so excited that she and her daughter is coming! It's a long drive for her but I couldn't be more excited. I hope she will stay the whole week!

Anybody out there?

Ok, so I post about random, stupid things and get comments. I announce this and I can hear crickets chirping! =) I'm guessing you feel how I would feel if I saw a fellow infertile announce her surprise pregnancy. A little pissed, alot bitter. Ok, alot pissed. But, that's just me. I know it's always hard to hear. I've been there done that for years now. I hope you can dig deep and somehow be a little happy for me. After all, I've lost 4 babies and been through the wringer with fertility treatments.... ugh. And I'm by no means out of the woods yet. If this goes right I'll be due some time in September. That's a LONG way from now. I just need you guys to hold my hand right now. This is a scary time and every passing day means success or failure. There's no way to know.

On a good note, my HCG more than doubled in 48 hours. Today it was 111! And my progesterone rose from 18 to 36. That's a relief too. Looks like I'll be taking twice daily doses of the lovely progesterone suppositories. I'll do whatever it takes. Plus, they aren't nearly as bad as PIO shots! I'll go back for bloodwork in one week to check everything again. It's gonna be a LONG week.

I am in a strange place right now. I'm not the girl who gets pregnant! It's such a mind battle for me to even think about it. I really appreciate you all and am praying for the day that we all hold little ones (or not so little ones, we still want to adopt our 6 year old!) in our arms. However they come to you, they will be the blessing of a lifetime. I'll be your cheerleader 'til the end!

Lab Results

So, I got my blood work from Wednesday back this morning. My HCG is 48, progesterone 18.5, and estradiol 282. It's not the highest number in the world but it's ok. As long as it doubles in today's blood work, I'll feel better. I started taking prog. suppositories on Wednesday night just in case. I'm glad I did! I would hate for that number to fall. It can fall fast and hard and then bleeding commences. Ugh... Let's just pray that I don't see any of that until next year some time! I have NO idea when I ovulated. When I have ovulated in the past it's been around CDs 18-20. Could be earlier, could be later. Who the heck knows?

I swear, this is the craziest thing. I'm not really wound up about anything. I know that it is completely out of my hands. I've been through this enough times to know even when everything looks stellar that the outcome can be bad. And when everything looks terrible, the outcome can be good. There is nothing I can do to make this pregnancy stick around and really not too much I can do to make it end. I can do everything in my power (rest, no caffeine, eat right, obvious things like don't do drugs!!) and that's all I can do. It's in God's hands. I just pray that he will mold this little ball of cells into a beautifully and wonderfully made little human being. I'll update later with today's blood work.

You will NEVER believe this!!!

Merry Christmas to Me!

So, let me tell you story. As you know, I took this cycle off to regroup after our last miserable failure. Since my period isn't here yet and I haven't been spotting, Keri (my nurse/friend) told me to go ahead and test. I used a regular old test this afternoon and it was negative. Well, I came back a few minutes later (10-15) and saw a positive. But, I figured it was an evap. line since I waited so long. Keri was coming over and told me she would bring me some digital tests that she had. And what do you know?! It said pregnant! Now, you can imagine my surprise! 40 months of trying and 24 months of working with an RE. Now, I seem to have gotten knocked up on my own. Who Knew?!? Do I feel excited? Well, not so much. This is only half the battle. This is my 4th pregnancy so you can imagine that I'm a little gun shy. I'm thankful, more than you know, that I got this far. It's really, really early and I'm not going to breathe a sigh of relief until a baby is born and in my arms. I had a lab slip in my car so Keri wrote orders on it for me and I went to the hospital lab to have blood drawn tonight. Unfortunately the lab won't be open tomorrow so I have to wait until Friday for results. I'll let you know as soon as I get them.

Oh, and get this. I haven't been taking prenatal vitamins and I've had enough Diet Coke to drown a horse. Plus, I was on a plane last week! I feel like that has been my downfall with the last 2 pregnancies. So let's just keep everything crossed that this will all be ok!

This is sooooo nerve wracking! Please say prayers/send good vibes that everything will be ok and this will be the one that makes it! It's been a long, hard road.