Bizarre Foods

Have you ever watched Andrew Zimmern on the Travel Channel? The show tonight is about Samoa. They eat some weird crap over there! He had this bottle of sea slugs and when he poured it out it looked like snot!! Or cervical mucous (that's for you Kelly Y). Can you tell I'm an infertile when fish guts on tv reminds me of cervical mucous? Nice, huh? So, he took a big bite and this nasty, snotty, cervical mucousy stuff just dribbled on his chin. I thought I was going to vomit! I think he thought he might too. It was nastaaayy!!

I finished my adoption paperwork today! Notice I said "my" paperwork. Hubs still has to do his. I don't know when the poor guy is going to have time to complete it. He barely has time to sleep. Between his work and school and nagging wife he can barely breathe! I love him so much. We have to finish a monthly budget sheet showing how much we spend and on what as well as get tax forms, pet vaccination records, TB tests, fingerprints, etc. The first time I looked at the paperwork it was so overwhelming. But once I sat down and really took it step by step, it wasn't too terribly bad. I realized that Hubs and I don't disagree on too much. Don't get me wrong. We have our fair share of arguments...but we don't have disagreements on things like money, leisure activities, alcohol, etc. It was a nice thing to realize!!

(now Andrew is eating a bat...they shoot them out of the trees and lay them on the fire. Apparently the bats are vegetarian so they don't have to clean them first. Not sure why that makes them clean?? He just got a big mouthful of bat fur. Nice huh?)

Wish me luck at my RE appointment tomorrow. Hopefully I haven't ovulated yet. I realized today that I have gotten pregnant doing an injectible/IUI cycle 2 out of 3 times. I guess that's a good thing...that it actually works. Now if we can just make them stick around long enough to be born. Sigh....

I'll update you tomorrow after my appointment.

If you get the chance check out Kelly's blog...she is one of my dearest friends and is going through an infertility battle of her own. http://talkingtummies.blogspot.com/

Smooch!!

Holy Follicle Batman!

I had a follow up appointment today. The good news is that I have several follicles on the left and several on the right. The bad news is that there is one BIG follicle on the left. It's measuring at 18 mm. For those of you who, may not know, the ideal scenario is for all the follicles to be pretty much the same size. When you have one that stands way out in front of the others, that's not a great thing. Of course, we don't want too many the same size because that's how you end up with sextuplets! The hope is that I won't ovulate on my own before the IUI. We know that I never ovulate on my own but we'll see what happens. We are continuing meds for 2 more days and will recheck on Wednesday.

I'm pretty sure that you have all seen a vaginal ultrasound wand...aka dildocam, vagcam, 2nd husband, etc. If not, here is one for your viewing pleasure.

And, just for fun, here is my view from the not so cheap seats.

I had an easy time at the lab today. She got me on the first try. I have a vein on my left forearm but it is "deep" as Maria told me. This means lots of digging. But, she got it and it wasn't too terribly painful. My pain threshold had increased by leaps and bounds going through all of this.

This is Maria. She is the sweetest person! Today when she came to the door to call me back she just looked at me and groaned! I knew she was coming for me without her even saying my name! Doesn't she just look like a sweetheart?? (holy cow! I just realized how pale I look...reminder...add more blush!)

This is Jennifer. She is the front desk person and doesn't stick me, but she always comes in for moral support. For some reason, when she is in the room, my blood seems to flow faster! We have a whole system worked out..I tell ya!! She is awesome too.

I am really trying to be excited and hopeful about this cycle, but I just can't seem to get there. I am going through the motions but I really don't care too much about it this time around. Don't get me wrong. I really want this to work and to have a baby next summer. But history tends to repeat itself. I don't know...we'll just have to wait and see.

I'm finding it really hard to diet right now. I'm doing the best I can with a few slip ups here and there but it's just hard! Plus the bloat from the shots makes me feel all huge. I have decided that after this IUI that I'm not going to the gym until we know if I'm pregnant. I just want to do everything in my power to stay pregnant if this works. I'm also weaning myself off of caffeine. That's a big job too. But I'll do what it takes. Please continue with the prayers and good vibes!

Off to work on adoption paperwork. I think I was a tad bit overzealous to think that we could have it completed this week!

A fish in the desert...

"Sometimes I feel like a fish in the desert. Destined for water, but stuck in the sand..." (Larry Crabb, "Finding God")

I think we can all relate to this feeling. We are destined to be mothers, to be a family instead of just a couple, to enjoy all the ups and downs of having a child. But instead we stand on the outside looking in. We are gasping for air but all we get is sand. We have a thirst that is so intense...and there is no water to satisfy that thirst. I know in my heart that God is our source of water...that he is the life giving spring. If we will just go to him he will give us all the water we need. I can apply that to so many parts of my life...but infertility just doesn't seem to be one of them. So many bad things have happened that it really makes me wonder if my having a child really matters that much to Him. I talk to hubs sometimes about why bad things happen. We do things the right way, we are the best people we can be...and sometimes I just wish that God would bless us for doing the right thing. Hubs tells me that we don't do the right thing for a reward...we do the right thing because it's the right thing to do. And you know what? He's right. I know that God loves me...and the He does care about every aspect of my life. And just because I'm a fish out of water doesn't mean that he cares any less. My view is very limited...I know there is a much bigger picture out there. Regardless if I build my family biologically or through adoption or both, it will be the biggest blessing that anyone has ever had!

I'll just keep flopping in the sand until I find the water.

Too cute...

I found these pictures and just had to share!!!

Here is Patches in all of her glory!

And here is Lucy, the cowardly Rottweiler trying to run from the camera. Maybe she thinks the flash is stealing her soul?? She bolts any time she even sees the camera!

And you can see Molly...doing what she does best....sleeping!!

Annie...Annie...are you ok? **

By the looks of this picture I should say not!

We took our CPR and 1st Aid classes today. It was actually quite fun! Our instructor is an Austin firefighter/paramedic. He was really dry and absolutely hysterical!

I thought I would type out some funny things he said and did, but the realized that you had to be there. Just know that we learned a lot and if you ever need CPR, I'm there to help! So is the hubs! We're all trained up! (Excuse the photo quality...taken by cell phone)

Count this as one more check mark off of the list of things we have to do for adoption!

I finally heard back from my RE late yesterday and my estradiol level was 100. This time last cycle it was 115. So, we are on track and everything looks good. I will stay on the same Follistim dosage through Sunday. Then back for more bloodwork and ultrasound on Monday. We should have a better idea of things by then.

I came across something that I wanted to share...

Prayer invites God's presence to suffuse our spirits, God's will to prevail in our lives. Prayer may not bring water to parched fields, nor mend a broken bridge nor rebuild a ruined city. But prayer can water an arid soul, mend a broken heart, rebuild a weakened will.

Here's to lot's of mending, watering, rebuilding...God knows we need it.

**I took my first CPR class years ago. And the doll/fake humans name was Annie. For some reason this has always stuck with me.

Fertility Waters???

Ok, sorry for 2 posts so close together but I just HAVE to comment on this bizarre story. You can read it for yourself here..

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26867732/

Nicole Kidman, who is 41 years old, miraculously became pregnant after swimming in a waterfall in the Australian outback. "Seven babies were conceived out of this film and only one was a boy. There is something up there in the Kununurra water because we all went swimming in the waterfalls, so we can call it the fertility waters now."

Here is my question? Why in the H E double hockey sticks are we wasting all of our money on fertility treatments when all it takes is a vacation to Australia and a good swim in a waterfall? I feel cheated! Why didn't someone tell me this before?

You know...I could create a business! I'll go to Australia, bottle up that stuff and bring it back to the states. If one gets pregnant swimming in it, how much better would it be to drink it! Multiple Mayhem!! Follistim be damned!! I'm going to be rich...very...very...rich. Sorry Dr. W. Your days are numbered!!

All is well...

Today was busy from the minute my alarm clock went off. I rolled out of bed, brushed my teeth, and headed to the lab. I actually ran into one of the RE's from the practice I go to. He looked at me like, "I think I know you...". Keep in mind that I had on no makeup and was wearing glasses. I am not one of those girls that looks beautiful au naturale...believe me. But, I digress..

The girls in the lab are just wonderful and I've been so much that they all know me by name. We all know that my veins are crap and it takes an act of congress to get a few drops. Turns out that they needed 4 vials! I had an infectious disease panel drawn in May but of course the lab lost it. I got two sticks from Maria and not a drop of blood. Then Diana stuck me and got blood both times. I think we got enough for all the tests, including my estradiol levels.

After having my blood drawn I went to my car and noticed that the front left tire looked low. Then I noticed a bubble in the tire. This happened a few weeks ago and I had to have the tire replaced....apparently it happens when you hit a pothole or scrub a curb...which I never do...right hubs?? =) We have warranties on the tires but guess where I have to go? You guessed it...the place that screwed me over yesterday. I knew I wasn't going back there so I found a different one closer to my house. They were able to replace the tire in about 45 minutes. Then I rushed home, got cleaned up and went to my doctor's appointment by 11:00.

When I got to the office I saw something that just made my heart sad. There were 12 women and 4 men in the waiting room. This is a huge practice with 4 doctors and I have never seen it this full. It just made me realize how infertility affects so many lives. I could just imagine what those women and men were going through. I've been through so many downs with infertility and I hate that anyone else has to go through it. I think about the first time patient..coming in not knowing what to expect. Most likely filled with hope and fear all at the same time. Then there are people like me with lots of loss under their belts. Then there are women (one I talked to today) who had their first child through fertility treatments and are pregnant for the 2nd time. I wonder if they have fear that they will lose the baby? My sister is a perfect example of having no fear. She has 3 children, no problems conceiving, no issues during...she never once thought that she might miscarry. I'm glad she didn't! Count it as yet another thing that infertility takes from us. We can't even enjoy being pregnant because we are so full of fear and doubt. We want to be in love with the little life growing inside of us but we are afraid to get too attached...to think that it's real....sigh....

So, back to the original point...I had been sitting in the waiting room for about 20 minutes(which is completely odd...Dr. W is mostly always on time. It's one more thing I love about her!). So I decided to call Keri, my nurse/friend. I was like, "What's going on back there? You having a party? Drinking martinis and getting your nails done?" About that time Susan came to get me and I went on back...hanging up with Keri as I went. We just laughed! See, I tell you...I love going to the doctor! I go in the room and Dr. W comes in...she always loves on me and asks me how I am. She always remember what's going on with me and is a huge cheerleader! Regardless of what it is. We did the scan and everything looks good. I have 2 good follicles on the right and a few smaller ones...and 5-6 good ones on the left. I am still waiting to see what my estradiol levels are to know what dosage of Follistim to take for the next 3 days. Overall, everything is how it should be. I go back on Monday for more bloodwork and another ultrasound. If it goes as it did last cycle, I will most likely be through with shots by Wednesday and do the IUI's Thursday and Friday. My clinic does back to back IUI's for better chances. I'll take all the help I can get!

After I got dressed I went out and talked to Dr. W for a while. We talked about marriage and life in general. I tell you...when this whole infertility thing is over, I want to be for real friends with this woman! We keep talking about having margaritas! She is such a blessing in my world. I know I say it alot...but it's true! Anyway...after the appt. I went to lunch with my girls and had a great time. They let me be loud and dominate the conversation. =) I heart them!

My diet isn't going so great today. Sometimes I just have to have something yummy. And today I had ice cream from Sonic. Take that weight watchers!!! And then the scale says to me....Take That Leah!!! Oh well...it was worth every single bite. YUMMY! Speaking of dieting....I thought I would post some before/after pictures. I never realized how big I was until I lost weight. Holy Cow! Literally! This was after I had lost about 40 lbs. Poor hubs! By the way...isn't he handsome? I think so!!

November 2007 June 2008