What to do?

Isn't it odd that I am supposed to check for pregnancy tomorrow and I'm almost 5 days into my period? Things are slowly tapering off but holy hell! This has been a heavy period! I have stumped my nurses and my doctor. They don't see this type of thing ever. Go me! Nothing I do is text book. Haven't we figured this out yet? I did talk to my RE this morning. She was sorry that things ended the way they did. I told her that I would not be going on to IVF until we go this bleeding issues sorted out and she agreed. We will do one more Inject/IUI cycle and hopefully make it to test day next time. She wants me to do progesterone in oil injections but I'm not sure they will work. I did those during my IVF cycle and I still spotted a few days early. She also wants me to add estrogen to the mix along with whatever progesterone supplement I will be doing. After ovulation our estrogen levels drop drastically. While this is fine for some women, I'm apparently the "one in 200" who has issues. The idea is to keep the estrogen levels up as well as progesterone. We will do bloodwork 1 week past ovulation to check levels to see where we are. I asked her to do it this time and she said we didn't need to. I'm going to just start telling her what I want done and just do it. aarrrggghhh!! She doesn't want us to go right into another cycle because she is certain that I have cysts. So, we wait for our next cycle and start the fun all over again.

On different news, we have our home study schedule for Monday morning. Our social worker will come to our house for a 4 hour interview. Not the least bit intrusive, eh? She is really nice and we like her a lot. I'm still not sure what we are going to do. I would love to get on the adoption train right away but I just don't know. Hubs and I have a lot to discuss and decisions to make. Doing fertility treatments and going through adoption at the same time is not fun. I'm tired of the unknowns!

So, that's the story of me as of today. Things can change quickly so keep your running shoes close by! Happy Thanksgiving!!

I need your help

Can anyone tell me why the crap I am bleeding, full flow at 10 days past ovulation? This is clearly not supposed to happen. I always spot 2-3 days before my period comes. I don't feel like this is normal but I'm told that it is. Even during this last inject/IUI cycle I started spotting at 11 dpo. And the doc said that we needed to fix that. After this last IUI I mentioned the spotting again but she didn't feel like it would be an issue. I told her that it's ME we are talking about and that I always go against the norm. She decided that I would do the progesterone vag. suppositories once a day. (I did those during my last cycle too and still spotted too early). So, Friday night I went to the bathroom and had some reddish spotting. Not a ton but it shouldn't be there at all. It continued through the night and decided to do another supp. on Saturday morning. The bleeding tapered off throughout the day but last night it was full on bright red. I did another supp. last night but there was so much going on "down there" that is just slipped right on out. Needless to say I was up all night long to see what was going on. It is getting heavier as I type. I am beyond frustrated. I called the RE office today just to let them know what's going on but they told me unless the doc on call had something for me to do, they wouldn't call me back. Which is understandable. It's not like they can stop the bleeding at this point. I'm guessing that this is a pretty good reason I'm not getting pregnant. All the eggs/embryos in the world won't get me pregnant if my lining decides to take a hike before it's supposed to. This happened during my IVF cycle too. I started spotting early then and I was on progesterone in oil shots everyday.

Has this ever happened to any of you? If so, what did your doctor do about it? I definitely have progesterone issues. I'm convinced that low prog. is what caused my first miscarriage. It just royally pisses me off that this is happening. We know that IVF is our next option but I don't want to move forward until we can figure this out. It's not worth the effort to go through it all and then have the embryos slide right on out. It's like they don't even have a chance. The lining just starts breaking down before anything can implant, assuming that they would even do that.

The hits just keep coming.

One week to go!

It's amazing how calm I've felt over the last week. Who knows what this next week will bring, but for now, I'm enjoying the relative calm. I have been worried about OHSS (where my ovaries almost explode and my body fills up with fluid) but so far, I've felt fine. There have only been a few times where my abdomen has been tender...like if I press on it. Keri tells me to just not press on it! Good advice! We'll see how next week goes. I feel quite bloated but I'm not so sure it's the ovaries as much as the Hummus/pita chips/cucumber/bell pepper/Texas Pete's hot sauce that I've become addicted to! It's no secret that I love food! But lately this has been the thing I love the most. I take a crunchy pita chip, scoop up some hummus, drown it in hot sauce, top it with a cucumber or bell pepper or both, and stuff it in my face as fast as I can! I literally have to force myself to stop eating it. I clearly have issues! Where was I? Oh yeah, the 2WW. I will go in for blood work next Wednesday. I will probably use the 1 pregnancy test I have in the house that morning. I'm too cheap to start testing early. The outcome will be the same either way. Either I'm pregnant or I'm not.

I haven't had any symptoms to speak of....well, unless you think wanting to sleep all day is one. And actually, my nips have been tingly today. I try not to put too much focus on symptoms because like I said last time, it could mean something or it could mean nothing.

Oh, I registered for school on Monday. New students have to register after everyone else so of course, the class times I wanted were taken. I'll take one class on Tues and Thurs from 1:30 to 4:30 ish (class and lab) and the other one is Mon and Wed nights from 7:30 - 9:00 ish? Not the ideal schedule, but I'm glad to just get in. One little glitch in the program and I'm pushed back a year or more. This is probably another reason I feel more calm. I had soo much going on a few weeks ago. Fertility treatments, continuing education for my insurance license, studying for and taking the math assessment test for school, adoption classes and homework and gathering all of our paperwork for the adoption packet, Whew! No wonder I was stressed!

Speaking of adoption, we are still waiting to hear from our social worker about our home study. She said she had one more slot open for November but I'm wondering if that's gonna happen now. If not, no big deal. We can have it done in December. Plus, it would be nice to know the outcome of this cycle first. More waiting. You would think with all the waiting we do that we would get used to it. That's not the case! I hate it! We've already waited over 3 years for a child and now we just get to wait longer.

One of our local radio stations is playing Christmas music around the clock. It's weird listening to Sleigh Ride when it's 75 degrees outside. To all of you surrounded by snow, I'm sorry! Actually, I will never get used to this heat. We only need coats a few days out of the year. In Austin, it's either holy hell I'm going to catch on fire hot or like it is now. I would gladly trade the 110 degree summer days for snowy winter days! We went to Jackson Hole, WY last December and I loved it. I have never seen so much snow! Think I would tire of it day after day?

Fun times!

We went back to Sea World this weekend with our bestest buddies Keri and Dean! Their little peanut went too. He's sooo cute! I talk about him all the time, but seriously, he's the best baby I've ever seen! It was a new experience for Dean and Peanut so it was fun watching them! Here's the little guy!

The highlights of our day were feeding the dolphins...

Getting splashed by the baby dolphins in the pool... (notice salt water on camera lens!)

Feeding the sea lions (they are loud and barky!!!)...

Spending time with my awesome buddy who looks more like me than my own sister...

Having fun and spending the day with hubs....

But most of all, spending the day with the people I love!!

Random Ramblings

I used to work with this lady and her daughter. She had a birthday party tonight (22nd) and invited me to come. I was so excited to see them because I haven't seen them in forever! I got to their gorgeous house and we were catching up. Well, Nicole, the one I used to work with, said, "By the way, David is going to be here." What does that mean? Well, let me catch you up. I took a job in August 2007 working as an office manager at an insurance company and David was my boss. Things were great for several months and I even got a great review and a raise. Then David lost his mind. His best friend owned an insurance office in Oklahoma (same company, different branch) and his friends wife (we'll call her H) was his office manager. Well, David started having an affair with H and moved her to Austin from OK. Nicole worked in the office as a recruiter and David fired her so H could have her job. She also knew how to do my job and it paid more than the recruiting job. See where this is going? I knew it was just a matter of time before I was out the door. And sure enough, on January 2 David called me into his office and said that he just couldn't afford me anymore and that he had to let me go. He promised a measly severance package and owed me back wages of around $1800. I asked him for everything is writing and he refused. So, I emailed him asking again if he would put it in writing and when I should expect the back wages owed to me. He responded and said that he never promised me anything and that he didn't know what I was talking about. LONG story that I won't bore you with, but he told lies to home office and they wanted to deny my unemployment. It was a ton of drama, took me months to get it all sorted out, etc. I did get all money owed but it wasn't easy. SOOOO, all of that to say, when I heard that David was going to be there I told Nicole that I was leaving. I am quite mouthy and am not afraid to start a fight. I just didn't want to ruin her birthday by getting into with this man. I was just sick to my stomach about it. They convinced me to just stay until he got there. So, about an hour later he and H show up. I immediately grabbed my stuff and left. I walked past him, not saying a word, and he just stared at me. It was miserable! He ruined my fun evening and I don't think that is the least bit fair. Hmmpphh!!

On a different note, we finished our adoption classes and are waiting to have our home study completed. It's basically 4 hours of questioning. Sounds fun, huh? The girl that we have been interested in on the available children website is no longer there. We don't know if she's been adopted or what's going on. We are both very disappointed. What can I do? Nothing, that's what. I really hope I get pregnant with the result being a live baby. I know that adopting and having a bio. child at the same time is frowned upon. Maybe this will work out and we can come back to adoption later. ????? Once again...Hmmppphhh!!

I've noticed that all of my blogs are about the same thing, over and over. I really want to tell you different stories. Maybe I'll start with the story of me. To start...

I grew up in Birmingham, AL and lived there until I was 30. I had about 10 million friends and life was a blast! But, I got a promotion with my job and moved to Jackson, MS in September 2003. That's where I met my hubs. He had moved to Jackson from Princeton, NJ for a job. I found him on match. com, sent him a wink by mistake!!! and he responded. I asked him out first and our first date was to the rodeo. The restaurant we wanted to eat at for our first date was closed so we went for cheap Chinese. It was an awesome date and as they say, the rest is history! We got engaged 10 months later and married 3 months after that in Ocho Rios, Jamaica. It was beautiful and it was just the 2 of us. To appease our families, we had a wedding once we got back to Jackson. It was nice and we had a great time, but I say destination weddings are the way to go! Much less stressful. Five months after we married, Hubs got a job offer in Austin and we moved a few weeks later. We've travelled a ton and have a lot of fun. But infertility is not fun and it has been at the forefront of our lives for over 3 years now. So, there ya go. A little about me.

Yikes!

I went in for my 2nd IUI yesterday and we did an ultrasound to see what I ovulated. As of 9:30 yesterday morning, I had not ovulated yet. I had 11, yes I said eleven, mature follicles yesterday! WTF?!? I started getting really nervous about ovulating all 11 and then I got really nervous that I wouldn't ovulate at all and then I got really nervous that I would get pregnant with too many and then I got really nervous that I wouldn't get pregnant at all and then....you see my point? My estradiol level as of Monday was 2569 (sorry Bella...=( ). That's the highest it's ever been. I maxed out last cycle at 1042. But i may have already told you that...I can't remember. SO, Doc said if I wanted to come back in today for another ultrasound that she would like to see what's going on. As of noon today I had ovulated 6 eggs. Holy cow!! or chicken! She was a little worried but we just decided that we would deal with things as they come. And then I started getting really nervous.....wash, rinse, repeat. I only had 5 eggies during my IVF cycle. Not sure why this cycle took off like it did but I'm ok with that. This will be our last Inject/IUI cycle before moving on to IVF. I really hope it works. IVF sucks great big donkey balls! I will test that Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Let's hope it goes by quickly. If at least one of these bad boys doesn't fertilize/implant/come into the world in 9 months I want a refund on my girl parts!! Anybody know the return address for jacked up lady parts?

EDITED TO ADD: Did you see this?

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20240095,00.html

I don't know about you, but this just makes me angry. Not necessarily at the he/she but I guess more at the universe/God. This he/she had taken tons of hormones to transistion into a man, grew a beard, etc., but was still able to conceive, and give birth to a healthy baby. Now he/she's pregnant again! Here we are, taking tons of hormones for women, since we are women, to have a baby and we can't!??! I have nothing against her/him. That's not the issue. It's just, well, I don't know! I'm just really peeved about this whole situation. What do you think?

Let the "what ifs" begin

I can't believe that this cycle is almost over. I have done 8 days of Follistim and we are ready for Ovidrel (to make me ovulate). I went in this morning for my final scan and for the first time ever, I was terrified of what I saw. Let me just give you the run down: Right - 22, 19, 17.5, 17, 17, 16, 16, 15, 15, 12 and the Left - 21, 17, 14 (and a few smaller ones). 3 are already mature and most likely 5 more will be by Wednesday. Did you catch that? That equals 8!!! Holy crapola! Dr. Wonderful was excited by the response. I didn't even respond this well during my IVF cycle. But she was also not wanting me to have a litter. She asked me if we were ok with moving forward with the cycle. I told her yes. Especially with our history of miscarriage. Even if all 8 fertilize and implant (gulp!!) who knows if they will make it. See the what if's forming? So, I'll trigger tonight and we will have back to back IUI's tomorrow and Wednesday. Dr. W. will do another ultrasound on Wednesday to see what released. My estrogen levels have been so high this time around that we are also worried about OHSS. If I gain weight rapidly (heck, I do that while NOT on fertility drugs), have trouble breathing, have pain, etc, etc, I need to call Dr. W asap.

Now to elaborate on the what ifs. What if I actually get pregnant again? What will happen? Will I actually end up with a live baby? If I stay pregnant will I drive my self insane with worry? What if I get pregnant with high order multiples? What if all 3,4,5,6,7,8 fertilize and implant? Multiples = pre-maturity. How could I ever live with myself if they were born to early and had major issues for the rest of their lives? All because I pushed and pushed to have just one baby! Would I reduce if there were that many? How can I live with myself if I reduce? How do I wipe out a beating heart(s) that I've wanted more desperately than anything in the world? What if I don't get pregnant this time around? Then what? What if we have one more shot and that's it? What if I have to just give up on this dream?

All I can do is hope for the best and pray that I do get pregnant with no more than 2. If I do, we will just cross that bridge if we get to it. I know you can all feel my excitement and terror! My HCG test will be November 26. It will be a long 2 weeks.

We have 2 more adoption classes to take on Wednesday and Thursday nights. Then we submit our paperwork and schedule a homestudy. I guess after that we will be good to go...assuming that we are approved! Not sure what we will do once we are. I guess that depends on if I'm knocked up or not. I'll let you know what the ultrasound on Wednesday looks like. I know I'm jumping the gun on this, really I do. But these things keep making the rounds in my brain. You know what I'm talking about! Don't judge!!!

XOXO

I'm exhausted!

What a fun day I've had! Well, minus the pre-dawn run downtown to the lab at the hospital. I left my house at 6 a.m. Luckily, after a small amount of drama, they were able to actually get blood this time. I was there for an hour but other than that, no complaints. Long story about trying to find the best sticker....yadda, yadda, yadda... Then I had my 2nd follicle check at 8:45 a.m. I'm apparently an over achiever this go around. I have on the right...14, 14, 13, 12, 12,11, 11 and the left...12, 12, 12, 11 and my estradiol is 1069. At this point last cycle my estradiol was only 542. Yikes! So, they took my meds from 200 units down to 100 for the next 2 days. I go back for a recheck on Monday. Most likely will trigger Monday night and do IUI's on Tuesday and Wednesday. Fun times, folks....fun times. I'm already looking forward to the pain after my trigger shot. Anyone else experience this? Where your ovaries just HURT and feel like they might explode? What helps?

So, back to the fun day. I had a big group of friends over this afternoon for a cook out. We all played softball and they came back to my house for food. It was a ton of fun. We played cards and the boys and Kellye watched football. It's 11:00 and we just wrapped up. I love having them over! We were without friends here for so long that it's just awesome to have a house full of people!! Plus I got to spend some time with Keri's sweet baby boy! He's 8 months old and the happiest baby I have EVER seen. I just love being around him. It's good to get a baby fix. =)

This week should be busy. I'm taking my math placement test this week so wish me luck! And we have adoption classes on Wednesday and Thursday nights. Plus RE appointments and finishing up my continuing education classes for my insurance license. Oh, and i have to register for school. Who has time to get a job?!??!?

I'll keep you posted on my RE visit on Monday. I really want this to work. Really...really....really!!

For the love of my life...

Who puts up with my love of all things doggie! I often realize this is how you feel!



Thanks for loving me....and realizing that sometimes, I actually DO love the dogs more than you!!

XOXO

I slept! I slept!!

I actually got 7 WHOLE HOURS of sleep last night....in a row! I couldn't tell you the last time that happened. I am so excited about our dog door! Molly can't get through it anymore...she's too fat and arthritic. But the other two are in and out all day...and night. Leaving me the heck alone! Woo Hoo!!

This is me after a few days on Follistim, no sleep and head pounding from my crazy hormones!






I had another traumatic time at the lab today. I have been taking my shots for 3 days now. So, it was time for my first bloodwork and ultrasound. Well...suffice it to say that no blood was taken from my body today. Not for lack of trying...I can guaran-damn-tee that. Three different people stuck me a total of 4 times. When I heard one girl say, "Hmmmm....looks like we blew that vein out", I knew it wasn't good. I have a huge bruise and it hurts like a mo fo! Dr. Wonderful said not to worry about it. She knows how hard blood draws are for me. I HAVE to have it done on Saturday to get my correct dosage of follistim, but for know it's all ok. That reminds me, I need to order more meds! My ovaries are functioning nicely and I have 4 good follicles one the left and 3 on the right.


I talked to my father-in -law yesterday and told him how much I missed him. He said he missed me too and actually offered to buy us plane tickets to visit them for Thanksgiving. I really would love that but I told him that if I'm pregnant (yeah right) that I don't want to fly. I talked to hubs about it and told him that we could scrap this cycle and just go for a visit. Now, you know I've come a long way if I'm willing to stop a cycle! We decided not to travel now but it's amazing that I would even consider it. I used to be so right on top of things and ready to go month after month. Now? Not so much... It's amazing how much we change when we go through so much time and time again.


So, hubs has to have a colonoscopy tomorrow. I swear that you would think he was having his leg amputated! He's so anxious about it! We all know how men can be such babies! He's no exception! He's on a liquid diet today and has to take all of this medicine tonight to cause explosive diarrhea. TMI, I know! I kinda want to laugh about it, but that's not too nice, huh? Oh, and he's also whining about having to have an IV done. We all know what I've been through with surgery, blood draws, IV's , shots, right? So, he gets absolutely NO sympathy from me on that one. (I love you honey!) Fun times? You betcha!


There is this great webite called upsidedowndogs.com. You should check it out! Hilarious! Here is my very own version of Patches, the upsidedown dog!