Boring...

Nothing to report. I'm pretty bored. Trying to muster up the energy to go to the gym. I don't know about you, but I absolutely HATE working out. I do it because I need to and it's a health thing. People keep telling me that I will learn to love it. Yeah, right. Not in this lifetime!

I also need to buy Halloween candy. Is it too early for that? I should probably wait until Friday afternoon to buy it. The problem is, I don't buy the crappy stuff. I buy the good stuff! And I LOVE the good stuff. So, it's going to be a bit of a challenge to not eat it all before Friday. Anyone else out there psycho over chocolate?

Looks like I will officially be starting classes in January. I'm looking forward to that. I would like to at least get a part time job but that's not happening either. I'll see if the school has anything for me once I start classes.

We will complete our adoption classes in about 2 weeks. Hubs finished his paperwork this weekend. He let me read it and it almost made me cry. He said some very sweet things about me. I really love that man! We have found a little girl that we are both thinking about non stop. I think I told you that there is a website with photos of waiting children. We have been looking at her profile and finally asked our social worker if she could give us any info. She said she will so we are just waiting to hear back from her. I am trying not to get too attached to the idea of her. There could be 10 other couples looking at her too. This is the hard part. But, just like with everything else, we wait.

I got back for a scan on Friday to see if the cysts have gone away. If so, we can start stims again right away. If not, I guess we continue waiting. I'll let you know either way.

So, here is a random story. As you know, we have 3 big dogs. We decided to have the house and yard treated for fleas. (No, we don't have fleas, but we want to keep it that way! =) ) So, the company schedules an appointment for Thursday. They said that I would need to gone for 3 hours after the treatment and that the dogs had to be gone as well. I was like, what? What am I supposed to do with 3 dogs for 3 hours? One of which is old and can barely walk? I literally gave myself a headache thinking about it. Then the clouds parted and the sun shone through! Why not have the yard and house treated on different days? Can you believe it took me 2 days to come up with that one? I swear, my brain is turning to mush.

AAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

My brain feels like it's stuck in a tornado! I'm trying to get everything ready to begin classes in January. I need a few pre-requisites before I can apply to the nursing program. Normal...I get that. But check this out! Before I can even take my physiology class, I have to have passed Human Anatomy (which I've already done) and then pass a physiology assessment test! I've never heard of such a thing. If you've never taken physiology how can you pass a test on it? I also have to take a math assessment test to tell me what math class I need to take. This is not that abnormal to me. But a test for physiology? Ugh!! I would prefer to NOT take any type of remedial class because that is a total waste of time. So now I have to study and get ready to take these tests just so I can take a class. And it's $29 for every test you take. I'm waaay too old for this!!

Since we are kinda standing still on the adoption front, I thought that I would volunteer with foster kids. There is a program called CASA (court appointed special advocate) that I am very interested in. I would basically be the go to person for a specific child. I would go to court with them and just be there for whatever comes up. The time requirement is around 15 hours a month and you get lots of one on one time with the child. Well, I spoke with the volunteer coordinator and she asked me about our plans for adoption. Turns out that you can't be a CASA volunteer if you are planning to adopt a child in my county. We might adopt from another county, but we just don't know. It is considered a conflict of interest to do CASA work and adopt from the same county. I totally understand. They don't want you getting attached to a child through CASA and then leave to adopt your own. And they don't want any red tape if you adopt a child and are already working with CASA. All of that to say..I can't do it now. I'm a little sad about it but what can I do? Frustrating!!!!

And I'm still waiting to see when we can start another cycle. I thought that by this point in my life I would have everything together. Not trying to have a baby and going back to school. I feel like I'm stuck in my high school years again! Well, minus the trying to have a baby part!

Needless to say, I feel like my head is going to explode! One day at a time, I know. I've got lots of studying to do. Wish me luck!!

A Life On Hold

It's amazing how little I have to talk about if not talking about my ovaries and vagina. This waiting phase is boring...and I feel like I'm wasting precious time. It's necessary, I know. But I'm tired of waiting! I know you understand.

As you know, I've had a really hard time finding a job. I've been a "homemaker" for over 9 months now and I see no end in sight. So, I have decided to go back to school. Yes, I know...35 year old in a class of 18 year olds. I'll seem like their grandmother! I wasn't able to finish my undergrad due to the fact that I was POOR! But, I kept getting great jobs and never went back. I realize that I should have finished and that I might not ever find a job if I don't! So, I have decided to become a nurse. There is always a need and no matter where I live, I will be able to find a job. I will have a few pre-requisite classes to take, but I hope to get into the nursing program next fall. I have applied and am getting all of my transcripts together so we'll see how that goes. Please send good vibes my way! My goal is to start classes in January.

I realized that I have spent the last 3+ years holding off on things that I want to do. I keep thinking..well, what if I'm pregnant? What if we have a baby? I realized that I can't keep putting my life on hold waiting to have a baby. I've wasted so much time. If I get pregnant during all of this, wonderful! But I will deal with it if and when the time comes. Plus, it's nice to focus on something else.

I finally went back to the gym on Monday. On Tuesday I could barely lift my arms. I went to the doctor for a TB test and Tetanus shot yesterday and even the stethoscope on my chest was painful. That'll teach me not to work out for 2 weeks. I'm going again today to work on legs. If I don't post for a few days it might be because I can't walk to the computer!

Fun with Pictures!

I thought I would give you a few glimpses into my world! If you haven't heard, we have been experiencing quite the drought here in Austin. I have only seen one day's worth of rain since May. Believe it or not, the lack of rain and abundance of sunshine is very depressing. I am ready for cooler weather!


Here is what our back yard looks like with no rain. We kept the front watered but the back was futile.



Here is what the sky looks like on a regular basis. This is usually as close as it gets to raining. Just big dark clouds and not a drop of water!


I found some crazy before weight loss photos and I almost died. I can't believe how HUGE I was. I still have a ways to go, but holy crap!! Check this out!

This was on a cruise in May 2006. One is of me and hubs and one with me and a guy that looked like George Carlin.

And this was made on Friday night.

And for a cute, cute, cute Halloween picture! (She's the only dog I have that will let me take photos of her!)

And, one of us feeding Lorikeets at Sea World.

TTC + BCP = HUH?

So, looks like I'll be taking birth control pills for a few weeks. Why, you may ask? I have cysts on both ovaries. I went in for my day 3 scan to start stims but we got a nice surprise. I'm lucky that it's never happened before. After all, I'm asking my ovaries to do 500 times the work they are supposed to. I'm surprised they haven't exploded by now! It's not painful...but we want to keep it that way. I'll take BCP's for 2 weeks to try and shrink the cysts and go back on October 31 for a recheck. Not sure what will happen then.

On a more fun note, we went to Sea World today. I'll post pictures tomorrow. The weather was beautiful and it wasn't crowded. FUN FUN!!

Are you FREAKING kidding me?

So, they wanted a girl but had 2 boys instead. She wanted her 2nd baby to die when she found out it wasn't a girl. Then this crazy therapist tells her she's justified in how she's feeling...and she's helping them "mourn the loss of the daughter they never had". I'm not really sure I need to say much more...I think the top of my head my blow off! I'm pretty sure this is the most unbelievable story I've ever heard. Freakin morons!!!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27197571/

Please read and feel free to share your thoughts!!

Back in the stirrups again (AKA this cycle was a bust)

It's official...I'm not pregnant. I decided not to waste my one pregnancy test...especially since I was bleeding. I went in and had blood drawn this morning. It's just as well...especially with the bleeding. I would rather not be pregnant and bleeding than the other way around. Keri asked me yesterday if I was still going to get my blood drawn on Friday. I said of course I was! It would be my luck that I didn't test, assume I wasn't pregnant, then it would be an ectopic, my tubes would explode and I would die! A little dramatic, I know. But, I don't have the best track record in the world! I go in tomorrow for my base line ultrasound and start meds again on Sunday. I'm trying to gear up for everything. The next 2 weeks will fly by with appointments and meds and blood draws and ultrasounds. Then the next 2 will drag by...making creaking noises as it goes. How much more??? I wish we could have an end in sight. But, for now, we are doing our 5th Inject/IUI cycle and are hoping it works. If not? We'll have to decide when the time comes.

I talked to my friend Tanya today. She is the one who miscarried twice in the past 3 months. She had blood work done to see if they could figure out what's going on with her. She is in that learning phase...one that I remember well. It's a painful thing to go through...learning about infertility. I guess it's good and bad that I've pretty much been there done that. I swear I could do my RE's job sometimes! =) It's amazing how deep we dig and how much we learn going through all of this crap. She will probably go for her first RE appointment next month. I don't want them to find anything but I want them to find something to fix! Don't we all want that? Ugh...

Kelly went in for her HSG today. I haven't heard back from her yet. Hopefully it wasn't painful and it went well. I hate how close to home infertility is hitting.

Hopefully the hubs and I can do something fun this weekend. We have been trying to get to San Antonio to go to Sea World forever now. We have season passes but haven't been able to use them yet. It's been so hot that it wasn't an option...then we didn't have the time. But now the weather is nice and we are itching to go! It's alot of fun! By the way, if you've never been to San Antonio, you should go at least once. The River Walk is really cool and nothing like I expected. It's much better. Plus there is the Alamo, the Market, Six Flags, Sea World...it's really great!

I hope all is well with you. I thought about you on National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. It saddens me to know how many losses all of us have suffered. We think about what it would be like if only it had not happened. I would have a 2 1/2 year old daughter now. It blows my mind to think about that. I'm sorry for all that you have been through...some miscarriages..some 2nd trimester and full term stillbirths...some born alive and lost way too soon. I hope this next year is full of successes for you and that you have babies wearing you out this time next year. I'm so glad I have you as a community...and that we can help each other through these times.