Isn't it "interesting" how dealing with infertility makes us a bunch of bitches? I hear stories of women who have tried and tried to get pregnant! I read a blog the other day that said something like "We tried for 8 long months and FINALLY! We are pregnant!" Or hearing about women who got pregnant on their 3rd cycle of Clomid...and it was such a long, tedious journey, and FINALLY, after all this time, we are FINALLY pregnant! In my bitchy brain I just want to smack them for being so naive. But haven't they gone through struggles as well? Sure, they haven't been through what some of us have. And I wouldn't wish it on anyone. But why do I feel this way about it? Is it jealousy, that they had a relatively easy time getting and staying pregnant? I can't pinpoint it. Do you go through the same emotions as me?
When I got pregnant in May I was following 2 bloggers that got pregnant right after I did. Now they are only a few short weeks away from delivering their babies. Me? I'm gearing up for even MORE treatment and having new reproductive issues pop up at every turn. It just makes me mad! Not at them, but at what I'm dealing with. It just sucks. Plus, I'm getting older! I'll be 36 this summer. That's considered advanced maternal age. What the crap? I just want to kick and scream.
Have you ever read this blog: http://www.tertia.org/so_close/
This woman lives in South Africa and has been through SOOO much. She has a set of IVF twins but she went through hell and back to get them. I think she's been pregnant 7 or 8 times. You'll have to read her back story. You can do so here: http://www.tertia.org/so_close/2008/11/not-exactly-a-s.html
Anyway, she has had late losses, early losses, etc., and been through IVF about 500 times. Well, just before her 40th birthday, she found out that she was pregnant. Surprise! At the moment, she is 15 weeks pregnant and all is well. Now, this woman? I can be happy for!
I guess I just need to realize that my brain and body is just all jacked up! I feel like I need a good smack in the face, a good shake, and for someone to tell me to GET IT TOGETHER!!
The Birth of a Mother
3 years ago
3 comments:
I kinda sorta get everything that you're saying. Except in a different way. :)
Right now...it seems like everyone around me is getting the things that I have dreamed about in life. And as happy (truly..I promise) as I am for each of them, I can't help but feel immensely selfish and wonder when the hell is it going to be MY turn?
I know what you mean. You want to be happy for them...and you ARE...but a tiny little voice in your head is like "when is it MY turn?".
totally hear what you are saying. But, I guess when I think about it, other women might think the same about me.
Sure, I have been through a lot, but many have been through so much more.
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