Adoption Update (Edited)

So, we are slowing inching towards meeting our little guy. We FINALLY got the paperwork in the mail. Once we get this back to AB's social worker we can hopefully set up our big meeting. I am so ready to meet him. I know we have had a fairly easy time with this. Yes, I feel like social workers are dragging their heels, but in reality, it's only been 2 months. I know some people wait for a year or more before meeting their children. But, he is older. The process is alot different. It shouldn't take this long! As Rebekah at Heart Cries says, my "mama heart" is bursting to meet our son! Hopefully we will be able to at least meet him in the next few weeks. Hopefully he will move into our home by June. Of course, that is MY time frame. I'll just have to remain patient! I am trusting God to keep him safe and healthy while we wait.

In other news, I am just absolutely slammed with school work. We have 2 weeks left in this semester and the instructors want to cram everything into these last 2 weeks. This could have been done throughout the semester, but no!! If I'm MIA for the next 2 weeks, you'll know why!

All is well with baby...as far as I know. I feel her moving off and on during the day. It is reassuring but that doesn't mean I don't check her heart beat now and then. I didn't feel her yesterday morning and decided to check on her. Once that doppler probe hit my belly she started dancing! I am feeling less terrified the further along I get. But I have read so many blogs where everything is fine on day and tragedy strikes the next. This is such a critical time for growing babies. I know some people relax at 24 weeks because babies can live at this point...sometimes. I think my milestone will be 30 weeks. I'm checking my blood pressure at home every few days just to be on the safe side. It's been really good so I'm thankful for that. I go back to the doctor in 2 weeks for my 24 week appointment! I can't even believe it. We are pretty much waiting to buy stuff until after 30 weeks too. We have a couple of things like a blanket, burp cloths, a couple of outfits..mostly from my wonderful friends. They are holding back too though, because they know how nervous I am. I'm telling them to just wait until my baby shower! I hate that I feel that way. It's getting better though...day by day.

Edited to add: I think I just felt the baby hiccup! Is it too early for this? I felt these repetitive taps for about 30 seconds. Am I crazy?

Could this be an indication of things to come?

Patches the thief!! She stole it from my friend's baby!! Notice him sitting in the background?

21 Weeks and Ultrasound

Everything looks great! We were so nervous going in and by the time we left, we were literally exhausted from holding our breath. Baby is doing great and was moving and squirming so much that they had a hard time keeping up with her! Oh, and yes, still a girl! The weirdest part was seeing and feeling her move at the same time. The tech was wonderful and gave us tons of pictures! Even a few 4D ones. She warned us that baby still might look a little creepy on 4D since they don't have much fat on them. But it was ok. I think she looks sweet!

Judge for yourself!!

She said everything looked good and that she was going to have the Dr. take a look. She couldn't get a good view of the heart since BB was moving so much. So, the Dr. comes in and starts looking at the heart. For like 5 minutes! We were thinking that something was wrong but he FINALLY said that he was trying to get her in a good position to see the heart and was having a hard time doing so. Eventually, after 750 years, he said all looked well and that he didn't see any problems. He thinks she's going to be fine. Whew!!!

So, looks like I get to be a "normal" pregnant person from this point forward. Whatever that means. God willing!!! I'm not looking for any excitement for quite a while!

I can't even believe I'm 21 weeks. Only 19 weeks left! Time is going by faster now. Hopefully the rest of the pregnancy will fly by too!

Sorry I've been MIA

This has been a hectic week! I have had sooo much to do for school and I had a huge microbiology test. Have I mentioned that I HATE microbiology? It's just too much! My brain feels like it might explode for all the info I'm trying to pack in there.

We finally met with our social worker on Friday. She spent 10 minutes updating our home study and now, hopefully, we get our big meeting to get a transition plan in place scheduled. I'm tired of waiting! I can't wait to meet AB!!!

I had my 20 week appointment on Thursday. It was the fastest appointment ever and I even had a pap smear. Seriously, in and out in 15 minutes. My blood pressue was good (120/72), BB's heartrate was 162, and I've only gained 3 pounds...total! I can't believe it. I know it will catch up with me in the 3rd trimester. I am going to really have to be more careful! But, safe for now! We have another ultrasound schedule for Wednesday and I'm excited to see our little girl again. I'm terrified and excited all at the same time. Funny how that works, huh?

I've been feeling her move alot more. Once I felt her for the first time, it was days before I felt her again. But I've been feeling her off and on pretty much all day for the past few days. It's like someone is in there knocking. It is a really strange feeling but I love it. My husband got pissy this afternoon and started being loud and mouthy...for no reason! The dogs scattered as they normally do and BB started getting really active too. I told him that not only do the dogs want to run away from him when he's pissy, but BB is trying to run away too!! =)

We spent today looking at baby stuff. It was so weird. I hear that it can take 12 - 16 weeks to get furniture that you've ordered. So, I thought we might as well figure some things out. Again, weird!! We found what we want but aren't going to order it just yet. It's actually in stock now and hopefully it will be once we are ready to buy it. Oh, and that stuff is expensive!! Geez!!

I still find myself being fearful. Not so much about losing the baby at this point (although I will probably worry about that until she is born). I'm worrying more about something being wrong with her. I so wish I would have never had that 1st trimester screening done. I know the odds of her being just fine are good. But there's that little part of me that is scared to death! We haven't seen any indications of any problems yet, and I'm praying we don't see anything abnormal on our next ultrasound. I know there are "soft markers" for Down's, etc., and if we see any next week, we will figure out if we should have an amnio. I'm just praying for a healthy baby. Even if she's not, I'll love her just the same. I just want her life to be as normal and easy as possible.

Not too much else to report. Only 4 weeks left in this semester. I will be very happy to be done! But I have lots to do between now and then.

Doppler has arrived

11:00 - UPS delivered doppler
11:01 - Wrangled dog from inside UPS truck because she just HAD to say hello to the driver.
11:02 - Felt like I was going to have a heart attack. Who knew an inanimate object could cause
so much fear?
11:03 - Tore open box, removed doppler, inserted batteries
11:04 - Squirted gel on my belly and started searching for BB's heartbeat
11:05 - Still searching
11:06 - Still searching OMG WHAT IS GOING ON!?!
11:07 - Heard BB's heartbeat and almost started crying! Whew! Was between 150-157 bpm.
11:08 - Told my husband to lift his shirt and let me hear his heartbeat.
11:08, 10 seconds - Husband says no way
11:08, 15 seconds - I said yes way and probed him anyway.
11:09 - Heard BB's heartbeat one more time, felt a huge sense of relief from my anxiety,
thanked God, and put the blasted thing away!

Doppler anyone?

So, I bit the bullet and ordered a Fetal Doppler. I've been fighting the urge to get one since I found out I was pregnant. But I just can't take it any longer. Now, let's just hope that I can find the heartbeat. Any tips from those of you who have used one? It should be delivered tomorrow(Yes, I paid an insane amount of money to have it delivered overnight, on a Saturday).

Anxiety

Sometimes the anxiety I feel about this pregnancy is crushing. I know in my head that the chances of everything being ok are higher than everything not being ok...for normal women anyway. There is no reason to believe that this is not going to be fine. Other than the fact that I've had many first trimester losses. This is uncharted territory for me and I just simply do not know what to do with myself. I really wish that I could get to a point where I am relaxing and enjoying being pregnant. But honestly, this has been the most terrifying ordeal! I pray non-stop that BB is ok! I know the stress isn't good for the baby but there is no relaxing and no changing it. I've tried it all! Even weekly heartbeat checks still had me incredibly anxious. Maybe I just need to stop reading blogs for a while. Horror stories are few, but they stick to me like glue.

I think I may have felt her move on Tuesday night. I was lying in bed being really still, praying like mad that I could feel her. All of a sudden I felt these little taps...and then bursting bubbly things. Of course, I haven't felt it since. I know that's normal but I keep willing her to give me a good kick so I know she's ok.

Oh, and, the nausea has kicked back in pretty regularly. Every time I eat I get it. Of course that has me freaked out because I don't know if something else is going on. I have read all kinds of stories where women have stomach aches and then tragedy sets in. I really just want to bury my head in the sand until September 2.

I have my 20 week appointment next Thursday and I'm anxiously awaiting hearing the heartbeat again. I have my official Anatomy scan on the 22nd. For me to be such a tough, mouthy chick, it's amazing how this reduces me to a whimpering moron!

So, all of that to say...if you think about me, please pray for my sanity. Please pray that I will be encouraged and that BB will be ok. Please pray that I start feeling her on a regular basis really soon. I HATE THIS!!! I am so happy to be pregnant and feel so blessed. It's the fear, worry and anxiety that I hate!

And one more thing...I did talk to our social worker this week. AB's social worker wants us to have our home study updated before we can even schedule this big meeting with everyone. I don't know why she couldn't have told us that 2 weeks ago. Irritated is too mild a word to use at this point. They are supposed to be updated every 6 months. Ours was updates less than 3 months ago. Seems pointless, huh? Our SW will come to our house next Friday and update the study. So, we continue to wait. More anxiety!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

I'm one mouthy be-yotch!

Ok, so if you've been reading my blog for a while, and especially if you know me in real life, you should know that I'm extremely mouthy/spunky/don't put up with crap, etc. Sometimes it really gets me in trouble and I really should learn to pick my battles more carefully. Case in point: I was at the grocery store today and was getting ready to turn right into a parking spot. This little BMW comes zooming down the aisle in the opposite direction and swings in right in front of me. I had to hit the brakes pretty hard to avoid hitting her. Here's where the picking battles thing comes in. I waited behind her car until she got out and said, "You know, you didn't have to almost cause an accident to take that spot. I would have let you have it." She looked at me and said, "Well, have a good day. And get some exercise." Now, I'll be the first to admit that I'm not the smallest person on earth (and really don't give a damn) but I'm no freak of nature 1000 pound woman who needs her own show on the discovery channel. So, I said, "Are you kidding me? Have you actually looked in the mirror lately?" She responded with, "Well, at least I'm not as big as you". SERIOUSLY!! ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME!? My response, "You don't know anything about me and I do exercise. What does weight have to do with you being rude about that parking spot?" She said, "Well, I just want people to be healthy." And I said, "Well, at least I don't have an ugly effing face like you do!" And then I drove away. And yes, I did say the full on F word. And let me tell you, she was FUGLY! No kidding. I mean, trailer trash hair, just plain ole ugly!

Now, my question to you....why is it that people think that being fat/overweight/fluffy/whatever you want to call it, is THE absolute worst thing in the world. I'd rather be fat and pretty any day than kinda fat and look like a freakin toad! People throw that card out all the time and it just pisses me off! I know that I could have just kept my trap shut and avoided this entire scenario...I get that...truly I do. And in hindsight, I should have done just that. But still! ARRRGGHHHH!!! Now give me a snickers bar!!!

Status Quo...

Nothing really new to report and not too much going on. I am officially done with having my progesterone checked and don't have another doctor's appointment until April 17. I haven't felt BB move yet but I am anxiously awaiting that moment! Still no word on AB yet but I am anxiously awaiting that moment! See where this is going? It's so weird to have nothing to report.

One of my closest friends came to visit this weekend. We were roommates in college and I just love being around her. It was fun but it went by too fast.

That is all.

Boring, huh?