A fish in the desert...

"Sometimes I feel like a fish in the desert. Destined for water, but stuck in the sand..." (Larry Crabb, "Finding God")

I think we can all relate to this feeling. We are destined to be mothers, to be a family instead of just a couple, to enjoy all the ups and downs of having a child. But instead we stand on the outside looking in. We are gasping for air but all we get is sand. We have a thirst that is so intense...and there is no water to satisfy that thirst. I know in my heart that God is our source of water...that he is the life giving spring. If we will just go to him he will give us all the water we need. I can apply that to so many parts of my life...but infertility just doesn't seem to be one of them. So many bad things have happened that it really makes me wonder if my having a child really matters that much to Him. I talk to hubs sometimes about why bad things happen. We do things the right way, we are the best people we can be...and sometimes I just wish that God would bless us for doing the right thing. Hubs tells me that we don't do the right thing for a reward...we do the right thing because it's the right thing to do. And you know what? He's right. I know that God loves me...and the He does care about every aspect of my life. And just because I'm a fish out of water doesn't mean that he cares any less. My view is very limited...I know there is a much bigger picture out there. Regardless if I build my family biologically or through adoption or both, it will be the biggest blessing that anyone has ever had!

I'll just keep flopping in the sand until I find the water.