Quick Update - our boy is gorgeous!

We survived!! The past 6 days have been a whirlwind and I am absolutely exhausted. Family came in on Friday, baby shower was Saturday (and I just felt kinda off/not so great most of the day), Saturday night was spent sorting through all of the amazing adorable stuff! Spent more time with family on Sunday and did baby laundry, etc. My sister was amazing and helped me with so much. She even cleaned my house for me while husband (let's call him H) and I took the dogs to the hotel for boarding. Was up til almost 1 am doing last minute things and then got up at 5 am to drive to Dallas. Whew!



We met AB and he is just the sweetest, cutest thing. He has really bonded with H and actually asked him on the second day if he could call him dad. I couldn't be more thrilled about this. The bonding will come with me...it will just take a little more time. He's never had a dad! He is so courteous and helpful and everyone only had good things to say about him. We spent lots of time with him and his foster mom (imagine Maxine from the greeting cards) and she was awesome. He is excited about being adopted and about being a big brother. He waved goodbye to the baby every time we left. Too Sweet!!! He and H swam yesterday (the water was waaay too cold for me!) and had the greatest time! Today we spent a few hours at his foster home and H and AB wrestled for at least an hour! It's just been awesome! I'll give you more details later but just know that it's been an awesome experience. We hope that his social worker will bring him to us no later than next Friday. We should know by Monday when he is coming.

I was worried that someone (mainly my old man H) was going to get hurt! It was like Friday Night Smackdown in the living room!!!

I'll post a few shower pics later but just know that it was beautiful! The diaper cake that my friend Keri made looked like it was from a magazine! I can't even imagine tearing it apart! I felt so special and honored. I shed more than a few tears!

More later...I promise!

Tidbits of information

I left another message for my social worker today...y0u know...since she hasn't returned any calls since Monday. She finally called me back and said she got a voicemail from AB's social worker that said our meeting is scheduled on Monday from 11 - 1 a particular office. I asked where this was and she said "good question". I'm assuming it's at the SW's office but I don't know for sure. That was all AB's worker left on the voicemail. I mean, are you serious? Oh, and get this...she is on vacation this week and just happened to check her voicemail. Whaaat? Was she even planning on contacting us at all? I'm just over her! And I have to see her on Monday. I really want to punch her in the face when I see her but that might not be a good idea. I just can't believe how poorly she has treated us. When this is said and done I plan to pitch a big ole fit to someone!! Fortunately, once AB is with us we will have a new social worker in Austin.

On a good note, we will be seeing AB on Monday! And again on Tuesday. I'm guessing it's going to be hard to leave him behind but I'm hopeful that he will be with us soon. We'll see how that goes.

I am truly very excited to finally meet him. It's been almost 5 months since we got that initial call. I know, in the grand scheme of things, that it's a short amount of time. But, it has felt like an eternity!

I've been thinking alot about him and his history. It saddens me to know how much we missed out on and how many questions he will have that we can't answer. Things like how old he was when he first walked. What he looked like as a baby. I'm guessing he doesn't have any baby pictures of himself. How old he was when he lost his first tooth. I have no stories to tell him about himself. It just makes me sad that his birth mother took so much from him because she couldn't deal with her issues. I can't fault her for that....I'm sure she's pretty miserable. I hope and pray that his transition is smooth and that he's not terrified of what lies ahead. I can't imagine what is going through his mind right now. He is moving to a new city, leaving his friends and family behind, and moving into completely uncharted territory. It breaks my heart for him. I just hope that we can be the parents he needs and do the right things for him. He has no idea how much he is already loved by these total strangers who are going to become his parents.

I look forward to updating you after we meet! It's going to be a busy weekend! My baby shower is Saturday and my mother, sister and 2 nieces will be here. Then we head out early Monday for Dallas and will be there until Wednesday. Pray for us!!

34 weeks and Adoption

Insane! I know I say this every week but I can't even believe I'm here. I went to the doctor today and everything looks good. Here's my question...how can I gain 10 pounds in 31 weeks and 6 pounds in 3 weeks? I know that I'm within range, etc. but dang! I've got to put down the fork. My NP is not a bit concerned and said I'm doing really well, that women always have a jump in the 3rd trimester, and not to be too hard on myself. Have I mentioned that I love her?

I asked her if there were any tests (NST, etc.) that we could do to ease my anxiety. She said that we could do another ultrasound at 36 weeks to make sure everything is still ok. I did find out that at my last ultrasound that the baby was in the 33rd percentile for weight. She said she looked perfect, inside and out and they see no reason for concern. I'm not going to freak out about the lower weight...I know ultrasounds can be a pound or more off. I was a HUGE GIGANTIC baby (9lbs 5 oz) but my husband was a teeny tiny baby...just over 5 pounds. Maybe she just has his tiny little genes! Anyway, we'll check on her again in 2 weeks. My belly is measuring 33 weeks but again, they aren't concerned.

In adoption news, we have no news. I got an email last Thursday saying that we will have our meeting in Dallas on July 27 and that we need to be there for 2 days. That's it. No details. At all. Now, it's not like we can just hop in the car and be there in 30 minutes. This is about a 3 1/2 hour drive. Is the meeting early in the morning? If so, we probably need to go to Dallas the night before. Will we actually meet AB on Monday afternoon? Will we have all day Tuesday with him? Where is the meeting? What hotel do we stay in? What does the meeting involve? How do we prepare? Who will be there? Is our social worker going? See my point? Not to mention that my baby shower is this weekend and I will have family here. Am I going to have to leave them at my house alone on Sunday night? Oh, and do I need to board the dogs an extra day? The more I type the more angry I get. And no one seems to give a crap about the details! One more thing to be concerned with is that school starts for him on August 25. Baby is due September 2. I must be crazy. (In my defense, we thought he would be here no later than June)

I hope everyone is doing well. Off to study. Only 3 more weeks left in this semester. God, please let me pass!!

Howling....

My husband discovered that my dogs have a new talent!! Actually I guess my husband has a new talent too? (excuse the blurry cell phone video. Lucy the Rottweiler runs from the camera but she hasn't yet discovered that the cell phone might still her soul too.)

If all else fails... (EDITED TO ADD)

*** Just got an email from the social worker. The date is set for July 27. Woo Hoo!!! YAYAYAYAY!!! *****


call your state representative. Or so I've heard.

We still do not have a date set for our first adoption meeting. I've been bitching and moaning about this for how long now? Broken record? So, at the prompting of a friend, I decided to call our state reps office to see if they could help. I spoke to a very nice man and he took down all of our information. He said he would contact Child Protective Services to see if he could find out what is going on. I assured him that we were not trying to be vindictive or a tattle tale and that it wasn't about us. We are very concerned about AB and he is our main priority. He said he completely understood and would do what he could to help. This is the first time I've actually felt like someone truly cared about this situation. Hopefully he won't disappoint. He said he will try to call me back tomorrow but at the latest, Monday. Again...we'll see.

Oh, and get this. I got an email from my social worker BG yesterday to see if I have heard back from AB's social worker, HP. Seriously? She's asking me if I have any news for her? What is wrong with these people?!!? I shouldn't be in the middle of this!

Ok, on a different note before my head pops off....

Thank you for you sweet comments regarding my last post. I feel a bit better. I think that getting it off of my chest helped in itself. My friends have been awesome cheerleaders for me and love me despite my craziness. Thanks girls! I finally went through all of the baby clothes my sister gave me. There are over 75 pieces! Gowns, onesies, dresses, footed onesies, pants, shirts! This baby will never wear the same thing twice! I have them sorted and now I just have to wash them. They are such cute clothes and I really did imagine what she would look like wearing them. Especially those little onesies. There is nothing cuter than a bulky baby diaper butt covered in a snug little onesie. = )

My baby shower is next weekend! My goodness! I thought the day would never come and now it's just a week away! My mom is actually going to drive in, mainly to pick up my niece, to be at the shower. That will be nice. My sister was supposed to come but there is a little drama going on and I don't think she's going to make it. It's all good though.

I'll let you know what happens.

Pissiness

I have just been in the most foul mood today. I'm not sure why but EVERYTHING is irritating me. Some things irritate me on a regular basis but today? Even the weather is pissing me off .

I'll just list them...just to get it off of my chest.

1. Pregnant women who write on their blog that their babies move ALL DAY LONG EVERY DAY ALL DAY! How is this possible? Babies do sleep from time to time!

2. Seeing women obsess over how dark the line is on a pregnancy test. I know... I know...they can do whatever they want to. But today it is irritating me.

3. People who are completely oblivious to those around them. It's like they walk around in a daze and don't care if they pull out in front of you while driving, cut you off in the grocery store, etc. Which leads me to my next point.

4. Rude and inconsiderate people. Like standing in the doorway having a conversation with your friends when 500 people are trying to get out of the same doorway.

5. People who drive under the speed limit in the left lane.

What is wrong with me? I haven't felt like myself in such a long time and I am growing weary from it. I'm sure those around me are too. I am so grateful to be pregnant and to be able to experience everything that goes with it. The aches and pains are tolerable and I really have no complaints about them. But I have been consumed with worry since the moment I got a positive pregnancy test. My history has me terrified, and then I had the massive bleeding in the beginning. Since that resolved, I really have nothing going on. I've had an easy pregnancy. But I am just completely terrified every moment of every day. When the baby isn't moving, unlike those other women who feel their babies move 24 hours a day, I get freaked out. I pray non-stop that she is ok. I haven't even allowed myself to think about actually giving birth. I guess because it is so hard to imagine that the outcome will be good. I tell myself 1000 times a day that women do this every day and their outcome is good. Surely mine will be.

I have a plastic bin full of clothes that my sister gave me from my niece. I can't even bring myself to wash them and get them ready for the baby. I need to wash new things that people have given her too. I've tried several times just to get the bin out of the closet but I can't do it. Not yet. My mother in law called the other day telling me about the wonderful things she has found for the baby. All I could think about was saving the tags and receipts. How horrible is that? I hate being like this but I just can't shake it. I'm terrified that something is going to go terribly wrong. I have found myself pulling away from my friends and even my husband. I really just want to crawl into a hole and stay there. I know this baby will come and most likely she will be fine. But I've been on the bad side of statistics so many times that it's hard to imagine something good happening.

Please say a prayer for me and my sanity. I feel so robbed that I can't enjoy what will be my only pregnancy. I want to connect to this little life inside of me. And I DO feel those moments of joy when watching my belly move. But she deserves more than moments. She deserves my whole heart and every ounce of love I have. I'm trying...I really am.

Also, please say a prayer for our little boy AB. We felt very hopeful (last week) that we would have our initial meeting the week of July 27. As of today, nothing has been scheduled. Apparently the social worker is waiting on his guardian to confirm her schedule to make sure she can make it to the meeting. I actually called AB's social worker today and got the run around. I reminded her that I can not travel after July 27 and that it wasn't fair to make AB wait until after the baby comes. If our first meeting can't be until after the baby comes that pushes us back to October before we can even have our first meeting. This is stressing me out!!

Thanks for sticking with me. I am not usually such a negative person but I just can't help it today.

We FINALLY have a date....

Sort of. I put together this detailed blog entry earlier and then my Internet connection failed and I lost it. Let's just say that my morning was filled with frustration about AB's adoption. I spoke to my social worker, emailed his social worker and contacted yet another social worker. I found out that AB does know that he is going to be adopted. He is excited but keep asking why it is taking so long. *****CRASH***** (That's my heart breaking into a million pieces. Poor little guy. )

His social worker sent a list of dates for us to have our first big meeting. The earliest they can do it is July 27. I told her 5 weeks ago that I couldn't travel past 34 weeks and that puts me at 35. I called my OB today and they said as long as everything is still going smoothly then they will allow me to travel. The social worker mentioned waiting to meet until after the baby comes but I absolutely put my foot down and so there is no way that is going to happen. We will have to spend 2-3 nights there. Why you ask? Because we will be meeting AB then too! Finally! After 4 months, we will get to meet our son! We are still waiting on all of the details to be ironed out and this is of course, tentative. But I'm very hopeful that this will actually happen then. I'll keep you posted.

Ultrasound

Almost 32 weeks! I can't even believe it. It may be sinking in just a little bit, that I am actually pregnant.

The ultrasound today went well. I was so nervous going in, as usual! Baby is head down facing my back with her little butt up on my right side. She is basically bent in half with her feet and hands covering her face. Needless to say, we were not able to get a clear picture of her face. =( We did see one little cheek in 4D and it was chubby, but that's all we got out of the little peanut!) She's weighing in at a whopping 3 lbs, 14 oz. The doctor said everything looked just great and for that I am very grateful.

I leave you with the only picture we could get! It's half of her face...not sure if you can see it or not. She has a pointy chin like her daddy! (Her forehead is on the right, chin right in the middle)

Happy 4th (a day late)

31 weeks

Sorry I've been a slacker. My 11 year old niece is visiting for a few weeks, plus I'm in school. So, needless to say, I've been busy! Nothing too much to report. I go back to the doctor tomorrow. Hopefully we'll be able to schedule another ultrasound in the next few weeks. Just want to make sure that BB is still doing ok. Oh, and this movement thing is all of a sudden very different. It went from jabs and pokes to full on belly shifting and bouncing. I mean, I can actually see it moving. My niece asked if I could see feet or hands through my stomach. I told her that I doubt that would happen because I've got waaay too much padding on my belly! It's still cool though. I never imagined I would actually get to experience this.

We are STILL waiting on word regarding AB's adoption. I called my social this week and told her how upset I was that she hasn't contacted us AT ALL. She apologized and said she would do better..blah, blah, blah. We were told last week that we should have our meeting scheduled by the 2nd week in July. Still haven't heard from anyone. We can't just drop everything and go to Dallas. I mean, my husband does have a job! They promise us that they will work with our schedules but who knows what the heck is going to happen. Still frustrated. At this point I think the earliest he could even be in our home is the last week in July. I swear I'm going to be in labor when they decide to send him here. It really makes me mad. He should have been here long ago. Same story, different day. I feel like I keep repeating myself!! I can only travel for 3 more weeks. Not sure what's going to happen then.

On a different note, MY BABY SHOWER is in 3 weeks. HOLY COW! I'M HAVING A BABY SHOWER! Once again, something I thought I would never get to experience. I'm still not quite convinced that I am pregnant and all of this is happening to me. Hopefully I'll feel like it once the baby comes.

I guess I will leave you with a belly picture. It doesn't look as big without a maternity shirt on. I find that strange, but oh well! I am wearing a maternity shirt in this one.