Baby Bliss....

Let me start by saying that I've been thinking about all of you so much...especially those still dealing with trying to have a baby. My heart aches for you and I never want you to forget that. I pray and hope that your dreams come true.

Since I am so busy I'm going to stick to bullet points.

My C section was terrifying. I am so grateful that everything went well and that BB is healthy. Words can't describe the relief I felt the moment I heard her cry. Then to hear that she was perfectly healthy was more that I could stand...the tears flowed! She's 6 pounds, 6 ounces 19 1/2 inches longs and tiny! She actually dropped to 5 lbs 13 oz on Friday night. More details to come.

This baby is amazing. She is so beautiful and I can hardly stand to put her down. My friends and family have been wonderful and I couldn't ask for anything more. My mother has been here since Tuesday to take care of AB and the house. Once again, amazing. AB is doing great. He loves his sister and is so helpful. He seems so much bigger now seeing how BB is so small! Having her makes me love him even more. It's such a strange and wonderful thing.

H has been frantic. He is so loving with BB and it melts my heart to see him love on her and talk to her. He is doing a great job but he is so scared he will hurt her. The nurse even told him that short of dropping her, he won't hurt her. It's not like her head will pop off! I love that he loves her so much.

Breastfeeding isn't going so well. BB latched on and was doing great for about 24 hours. Then she latched and wouldn't suck. She's been such a sleepy baby that we have to fight to wake her up. The nurse checked her blood sugar and it was below normal. They immediately gave her formula and did a blood serum test. Her poor heel was stuck so many times. Her breathing was getting a little labored as well and she couldn't keep her temperature up. They finally took her to the nursery for a few hours to make sure she was ok. Long story short, she is fine but we are having to supplement with formula. I offer her the breast for about 10 minutes at each feeding, and she will suck, but not enough. I've been pumping and getting about 1/2 ounce each time I pump (since last night). It's not much but I feel better giving it to her. We will see the pediatrician tomorrow morning. BB is looking a little yellow today so we'll have to see about that. She's been taking a bottle and hopefully is getting enough to eat. She's not eating very much.

We finally made it home late yesterday. It was nice to get home! I have to force myself not to do too much. If I'm up and about too much my incision starts burning like fire! Overall, I'm doing great.

So, I can't think of too much else to write now. Brain is mush. I'll leave you with some photos and update more later. Let me know if you have specific questions! Thanks for your support and sweet comments. I really appreciate it!!

A+

Hubby H again, just found out BB's blood type. She is A+ just like daddy. Yeah!

BB has arrived!!!

This is hubby H providing a quick update on Mama and BB. Leah's C-Section went well and BB was born into this world feet first weighing 6 lbs 6 oz and 19 inches long. She is perfect in every way. Leah feels very relieved and is now able to relax a little.

Breech Baby!! WHAT?!

You read that right. We went in for an ultrasound this morning and as soon as the wand touched my belly the tech said, 'This is a breech baby!'. What? She has been head down in the right position since at least 32 weeks! She decides now to get in the wrong position? Joy to the world! So, there goes my scheduled induction! I was sent down to my doctor's office and we decided to do a c-section at 7 am tomorrow! I had not even wrapped my brain around an induction and now we are dealing with a c-section!

BB had been moving like a maniac for about 2-3 days. She's normally not a huge mover. I never thought that she would be turning herself around! She's been pretty still for the past 2 days so I guess she's pretty well cramped in there. She is doing fine on ultrasound and we actually got to see her practicing her breathing motions. Her bottom is down and her head and feet are at the top of by belly. I guess this explains the breathing difficulties and stomach pain I've been feeling! To think...for the last few days when I thought I was poking her in the butt, I've really been poking her in the head! Poor BB!

More to come tomorrow!!! Holy Cow!!

Here we go!!!

I can't even believe how last week flew by. I mean, it was Sunday, I blinked my eyes, and it was Sunday again. We've been soooo busy! I have no idea what to expect when BB makes her grand entrance into the world. All I know is that I will never sleep again! Everyone is telling me to get my sleep now, but of course when you are almost 10 months pregnant that is not such an easy task. It's all good though. I'm ready for this girl to get here. Yes I still panic most of the day and it doesn't help that her movements have slowed down over the past couple of days. Of course she is so smooshed that she doesn't have much choice! I got back for another growth scan tomorrow so we will see how big she is. Then to the hospital tomorrow night. GULP! I'll update you guys when she gets here!

AB is doing great. We met with our social worker on Friday and it was actually a nice visit. I told her how good he has been and she warned me not to be fooled by the honeymoon phase. I totally get that he's on his best behavior now. I've even seen a few protests from him. Nothing big but just enough for me to be able to put my foot down and let him know that I'm not afraid of being the mom. It's actually good thing that this is happening.

This whole process has been so.....interesting/strange/awesome. I've mentioned before that there has not been some magical moment of falling in love as a family. It's not a bad thing and I'm not complaining about it. I just want to let people know the reality of it. I'm guessing that it's very different with a little baby for obvious reasons. The decision we made to adopt was not based on emotions at all. It was based solely on commitment to a child and our commitment to each other as a couple wanting to be a family. I mentioned this to our social worker and she was all, "Can you come tell our prospective families that?". She said that so many people expect the bonding to happen immediately and for everything to be just perfect from the moment they meet their child. That's not reality! Having AB has been awesome! He's a great kid and as cute as can be. We are bonding and he is letting his guard down more every day. He's been giving us big wet kisses on the cheek and it's just precious! He's letting us love on him more too. But he's scared to death! Can you imagine going through everything that he's been through? I imagine that it will take about a year (or at least until his adoption is finalized in 6 months) for us to all find our groove. And that's ok! Our family dynamic is about to change in a huge way with BB coming. None of quite know what to expect but we will figure it out...just like any family does. I already love this little guy and I'm very glad that he is mine!

School starts tomorrow so we have lots to accomplish today. We see the counselor again today and then meet the teachers tonight. I'm navigating new territory, that's for sure! It's been fun!

I'll post as I can over the next few days. Please send prayers our way for a healthy baby and easy delivery!

38 Weeks

All is well. I had an ultrasound yesterday and fluid looks good, baby is showing breathing movements, and I was told she is a happy baby. Great news to hear! I went to the OB today for my last weekly visit. I can't even believe it. I have made no progress in 2 weeks...still around 1 cm and baby is still pretty high up. My NP encouraged me to walk a lot this week. Considering I'm on my couch as much as possible that should be a challenge! The more I'm up the more tight and uncomfortable the belly gets. It's the strangest thing. It doesn't hurt really, it's just as tight as a drum. The only other time I'm uncomfortable is when I'm in bed trying to roll over. It's quite the production! I guess my pelvis is shifting because it's really sore....but only when I'm lying down. Pregnancy is weird, huh? Wonderfully weird!

AB is doing great. He is just the sweetest boy! Very thoughtful and helpful. He won't let me pick up anything and even wants to carry my purse for me. I told him that I hope he is always this sweet to me and to those around me. He promised he would be and we shook on it! He just needs encouragement. The other night I asked him to do something...maybe put laundry away or something little, and he said, "I just need you to encourage me to do it!". I said, "OK, it won't take long and it will be easy.....yadda yadda yadda." It was just sweet. We saw the counselor on Monday and it was nice to know that we have someone to help us navigate the waters. I've really bonded with AB and he has been very loving and precious. H is trying to spend as much one on one time with him as he can too. Of course, he works so much that it's hard. I think they are going to do something this weekend..maybe go to Sea World or something...before the baby comes. It's been a precious journey so far and I can't wait to see what the future holds!

I'll keep you posted as things progress. My life getting crazier by the moment but I couldn't be happier! I'm finally a mom!

Feeding Ducks with Dad

My son...what a blessing

I was sitting on the couch talking with AB about dogs. He started talking about a dog that his aunt had and I asked him to tell me about it. He started talking about his mom's sister and how she had this little dog. Then he started talking about his mom. I asked him if he remembered her (it's been almost 5 years since he's seen her) and he said yes. Then I asked him if she was tall and he said no, that she looks a lot like me (average height and chunky from what I've read about her). He then started talking about his brothers. He has one that died and one that was adopted at birth. Both were born before him. I told him that I know it's been a crazy world for him and that hopefully things will start to calm down now. He sat silently for a moment and looked at me with huge tears in his eyes. He said, "Man, talking about my brothers makes me all....". I said, "Sad?" He said yes and just had huge tears rolling down his cheeks. He was sitting on the love seat and I was on the couch. I asked him to come sit with me and he said he was ok. I asked again, urged actually, and he fell into my arms and let me just hold him like a baby. Tears were rolling down his sweet little face and he looked so very sad. It was all I could to hold it together. I asked him if he was afraid that he wouldn't be able to stay with us. He said yes. I told him that no matter what happens that we are stuck with each other and that we are all a family now. I told him that I know he has been through a lot and that it's ok to feel sad and to even cry. But to know that we love him and are so happy to have him. I told him that he can always come to us to talk about anything..his mom, his brothers, whatever he wants...and that one day when he is an adult, if he wants to find his birth family, that we would do just that. I told him that we feel so lucky and blessed to have him and that we will get through this together, and we will find our way as a family. He just nodded his little head and listened to what I was saying. He stayed with me for a few more seconds and then ran next door to play with his new BFF. The moment he left I completely lost it. How my heart aches for this little boy! I want to make everything right in his world and there is no way for me to do it. It will take time for him to trust again...and I/we intend on doing everything in my/our power to make him feel safe and secure.

Now, I don't know about you, but when I think of all that this little boy has been through it breaks my heart. He's been bounced around for 5 years! No matter what happens, children will always want and miss their birth mothers. That longing will most likely be there for his entire life. I completely understand that. And it hurts to know that there is nothing I can do for him in this area. What I can do is love him and be there for him for the long haul. I have lots to learn and I'm sure I will fail miserably at times. I trust God to take care of my children and to lead me in the right direction, especially for them.

As painful as that moment with AB was, it was also a beautiful one. My heart melted and I thank God for allowing us to bond in that way. I want to protect this little guy and make sure he has the best life that he can have. He is really so very sweet. I bought him a transformers toy and some hot wheels today...as a surprise. He was so thankful and just kept telling me over and over how excited he was. He's excited over the little things. What a wonderful little boy. I am truly blessed.

4D pics of BB

What an amazing ultrasound I had today! They were not busy and my favorite girl took tons of time scanning in 4D. She even gave us a DVD on the 4D part. Just because she was being nice! Awww!!
BB's foot is permanently on top of her head or in front of her face. Can you imagine being that flexible? Her umbilical cord was in front of her chin. She's got my baby nose! It used to have a pug nose like hers, but now it's long and pointy. = ) Hopefully she will keep a cute nose!! And look at those lips!

T minus 16 days

We are officially having this baby on August 26 (unless she comes before then!). My doctor agreed to the induction and I am to check into the hospital at 6 am on Aug. 26. She also ordered weekly ultrasounds until then. Nothing is wrong, but she knows how absolutely terrified I've been, and wants me to relax a bit. It was shocked that she wanted to do them, but I'm ok with that! So, between now and then? Twice weekly doctor appointments, breastfeeding class, going to see Wicked with my husband (so excited!), getting my hair done, AB starts school (which involves registering him, buying clothes and school supplies). You get the point! I'm excited and nervous and am praying non stop every day that BB is ok and that she is born strong and healthy. My nerves have just been shot to heck for so long that I am at a point of just not feeling like I can take it anymore. It's ridiculous, I know! I had another melt down last night. Just sobbing and sobbing. I guess part of that could be hormones, but most of it is fear. Only 16 more days, only 16 more days.

This past weekend was just jam packed! We had a good time getting to know AB and he seems to be pretty happy. He and my neighbors little boy met on Saturday and have been joined at the hip ever since! They are the same age and about the same size and same temperament. I'm so glad that he has a little friend! And they live right next door! Awesome! This has been a very interesting journey. I really didn't know what to expect with AB coming and really had no clue what we were going to do when he got here. We just knew that he was supposed to be with us and that we would figure it all out. That seems to be exactly what we are doing. We are all just learning the ropes and trying to figure out our places in each other's lives. We will have lots of time to bond and figure it all out. One day at a time is my motto right now! We haven't had a magical bonding moment where all is right in the universe. It's little moments of his snuggling up under my arm on the couch, or him holding H's hand. There is this little person that we don't know wandering around and sometimes it takes me completely off guard! It's such a strange thing! I can only imagine how AB feels. He's got 2 adults that are his parents, he doesn't know us at all! He's got 3 big dogs that he is trying to not be afraid of, a completely new world for him! New house, new bedroom, new clothes, new school, new rules. When I look at it from his point of view I just simply can't imagine! He's a resilient little guy, that's for sure.

We have lots to do this week so I better get busy!

He's here and he's all boy!

I only have time for a quick update. AB is here and has settled in nicely. We have a ton of things to do, like laundry and sorting through his things, registering for school, buying supplies, etc. He's only been here 4 hours and has already caught a lizard and put it in his little lizard habitat we bought him for our first meeting. Why oh why did I buy that? Poor lizard...hopefully he will let it go. He's outside right now with H looking for crickets to feed it. Like I said before, I don't stand a chance!!

He's a cutie and I think he's going to do just fine! He said he's really happy to be here and he loves his room! He asked to see his room the minute he walked into the house! He's a bit overwhelmed by all of the dog love but everyone will adjust.

So, as I am finishing up this post, AB walks in and drops something on the desk. He's all, "What's this"? It was the tiny tail of a tiny gecko. BARF! He let the lizard go but it lost it's tail in the process...what in the world?!? I'm in for quite a wild ride!! =)

36 week update

We had another ultrasound today and BB looks great. She weighs 6 pounds and is still in position. The tech said that her legs were long. If you know me or my husband, this is a miracle! We both have short stubby legs and have always said that our baby will probably just be a body with feet!! =) I was glad to see her again but of course, she had her feet and hands in front of her face. We did get to see a foot and watch her stretch her toes. It was really cute.

I had a doctors appointment after the ultrasound as well. I saw a nurse practitioner that I haven't seen before. She was awesome and so sweet. They always ask about AB (notes about adoption in my chart) and when I told her the story she had tears in her eyes. She was precious and so excited for us. The room was really hot and I felt a little weird. My blood pressure was up a little so they decided to put me on the blood pressure monitor for a few minutes. Once I cooled off it came back down to normal. I just have to check it at home every day to make sure it's still ok. I actually lost 2 pounds this time (yippee!!) so I'm at a total gain of 14 lbs. We'll see what the next few weeks hold. Still no swelling but again, things can change quickly! She did a cervix check and I'm already 1 cm dilated and 60% effaced! What? So, little BB could come at any time! I also talked to her about my anxiety and she mentioned that with the progress I am making, if BB doesn't come earlier, that we could possibly schedule an induction at 39 weeks. (No judgements, please! I've been through too much!) I still have to talk to the doctor and I need to talk to my husband before decisions are made. I just do not want to go past the due date...chances of still birth increase drastically when that happens. I'm not one of these want a natural childbirth, no pain relief, sit on a bouncy ball, let's just wait and see what happens kind of people. I can appreciate everyones perfect idea of giving birth. My perfect idea is getting BB out safely, with as little pain as possible. That's it.

AB is so excited about coming. I talked to him yesterday and let him know. His foster mom called me to tell me some more things about him. She rules her roost and has firm rules for her kids. I can appreciate that. She said that she doesn't allow sneakers in the mud. Not sure why she wanted to tell me that! I assured her that no mud exists in Austin. Your shoes will get dusty, but not muddy! We haven't had rain in 2 years! She also told me that she doesn't allow him to take food or drink out of the kitchen. She doesn't want messes in her house! =) She's a hoot!

He's Coming on Friday!

Just got a call from AB's social worker and she is bringing him to us on Friday! Woo Hoo!

It's amazing that the months have been dragging by and now it's all coming to a close. Wow....just wow.

On a funny note, apparently AB likes to say a few curse words here and there. His foster mom told me that she will hear him say things from time to time but doesn't make a big deal out of it. We were in the car last week and drove by a pond. Something caught his attention and he said, "Holy Shit! Did you see that?" It was all I could do not to laugh but I told him that maybe that wasn't appropriate language for a 9 year old. We didn't make too big of a deal about it. We called him last night to say hi and he was outside playing. All of a sudden I hear, "Holy Shit! A caterpillar!" Then he started talking to someone. I said, "Uh, do I need to let you go?" And he said, "OK, bye!". And that was it! It really made me laugh. I think it's just testing the waters a bit and I'm sure we will see more of that in days to come!

I've got so much to do this week! Holy Shit!!!

Updates: Long Post

Last week was so busy and crazy! I feel like I am just now recovering a little bit. I think I'll update by category...too much going on!



Adoption

We really had amazing time with AB last week. We are missing him more than I thought we would. I am calling his social worker today to fight for information. Her supervisor has been on vacation for 2 weeks and is scheduled to return today. She has to talk the the supervisor before she can do anything. Go figure. We hope to have him here by the end of this week but I hate to make plans, especially working with this woman!


AB is so sweet and courteous! He smiled the entire time we were with him and he is just so very excited to start his new life. We took him to Rain Forest Cafe, to the mall, swimming at the hotel pool, to the movies and out to eat several times. Like I said in my last post, he really attached himself to H (my husband). Several people have asked how I'm dealing with the fact that he didn't do the same with me. I can honestly say that I am perfectly happy with how things turned out. AB needs a dad and I am so happy that he felt so comfortable with H so quickly. H felt the same way about him! The bonding will come with me...I have no doubts. We have talked to him almost every day since we've been back home. He likes to tell us about all of the bugs and lizards he's caught and what he's been doing. His foster mom lives out on a bunch of land so he can go outside and play and ride his bike. He doesn't have any little friends around so he's really learned how to entertain himself. =( His foster mom is really a great lady. She's retired and smokes like a chimney (outside thankfully). Her house is spotless and she requires the kids to keep their rooms clean as well. She has taken such good care of AB and we are so grateful. She's really kinda gruff on the surface but you can tell she is a loving, nice person deep down. She called yesterday just to make sure that I'm doing ok and resting enough. =) I think she will be a lifelong friend!



Last week was a little strange as far as meeting AB and taking him with us. The social worker gave us the foster mom's phone number and told us to work out visits with her. Not one person checked on us the entire time we were with him and the only reason I talked to anyone is because I called them. After our meeting was over we took AB with us, spent some time together, and then took him to his house (which is about 45 minutes from Dallas). I'm glad we didn't book a hotel room ahead of time! We just talked to his foster mom the entire time about plans, etc. She's clueless too! No one has even told her when they are planning on bringing him to us. I will never understand this system. It all worked out fine, but it was just weird. We are just ready to have him here and to get him ready for school, etc!



Baby Shower

It was just absolutely gorgeous! I was so overwhelmed by the love and support that my friends have shown me. One of my long time friends from Alabama was in Dallas the same weekend as my shower and decided to take the 3 hour drive to Austin just for the shower! So sweet! I'll just have to show you the pictures!

So, I've been trying to upload photos for 30 minutes and blogspot is being stupid. This is all I've got for now. My patience in running low! Arrrgh! I'll try to post more at another time.

Pregnancy

I will be 36 weeks on Wednesday. Still terrified daily but knowing that she is almost here helps. I will have another ultrasound and appointment on Wednesday and I'm definitely looking forward to seeing her again. I'm feeling her move more (most days) than I was. It's not jerky like it used to be. More like shifting. Sometimes it feels so weird that it takes my breath away. I'm very grateful for every movement! My blood pressure has been fine and I haven't had any swelling...yet. I am having trouble sleeping. I toss and turn alot and get leg cramps all night long. Then my hands fall asleep and I can't hoist myself up to turn over. Patches, my cute little white dog with the black eye, jumped on the bed uninvited night before last and snuggled right up next to me. I needed to turn over and she was in the way and I got stuck! I had to wake up H and grab his arm so I could move! How do women with multiples deal? I can barely move with one! We'll see what the next few weeks hold. Only 4 weeks to go. Hopefully my sanity will last until then!

School

One more week...and one more exam. This class has been challenging to say the least. It's all memorization with no rhyme or reason. I'm doing ok for now. I just need to do really well on the next exam for at least a B in the class. Wish me luck!

Family

We finally have our house back! It was nice having everyone here but it's even nicer having a calm house. I know this will not be the case for much longer. Especially since we will have 2 kids here soon! My mother is coming back on August 28 and staying for 10 days. Then my in laws will come for a few days. I think my mother in law will stay about 2 weeks. At least I hope she does. I don't see them often and I really miss them!

That's about all I've got for now. Hoping to hear back from social workers today. Just left another message. I'm doubting I will.