My son...what a blessing

I was sitting on the couch talking with AB about dogs. He started talking about a dog that his aunt had and I asked him to tell me about it. He started talking about his mom's sister and how she had this little dog. Then he started talking about his mom. I asked him if he remembered her (it's been almost 5 years since he's seen her) and he said yes. Then I asked him if she was tall and he said no, that she looks a lot like me (average height and chunky from what I've read about her). He then started talking about his brothers. He has one that died and one that was adopted at birth. Both were born before him. I told him that I know it's been a crazy world for him and that hopefully things will start to calm down now. He sat silently for a moment and looked at me with huge tears in his eyes. He said, "Man, talking about my brothers makes me all....". I said, "Sad?" He said yes and just had huge tears rolling down his cheeks. He was sitting on the love seat and I was on the couch. I asked him to come sit with me and he said he was ok. I asked again, urged actually, and he fell into my arms and let me just hold him like a baby. Tears were rolling down his sweet little face and he looked so very sad. It was all I could to hold it together. I asked him if he was afraid that he wouldn't be able to stay with us. He said yes. I told him that no matter what happens that we are stuck with each other and that we are all a family now. I told him that I know he has been through a lot and that it's ok to feel sad and to even cry. But to know that we love him and are so happy to have him. I told him that he can always come to us to talk about anything..his mom, his brothers, whatever he wants...and that one day when he is an adult, if he wants to find his birth family, that we would do just that. I told him that we feel so lucky and blessed to have him and that we will get through this together, and we will find our way as a family. He just nodded his little head and listened to what I was saying. He stayed with me for a few more seconds and then ran next door to play with his new BFF. The moment he left I completely lost it. How my heart aches for this little boy! I want to make everything right in his world and there is no way for me to do it. It will take time for him to trust again...and I/we intend on doing everything in my/our power to make him feel safe and secure.

Now, I don't know about you, but when I think of all that this little boy has been through it breaks my heart. He's been bounced around for 5 years! No matter what happens, children will always want and miss their birth mothers. That longing will most likely be there for his entire life. I completely understand that. And it hurts to know that there is nothing I can do for him in this area. What I can do is love him and be there for him for the long haul. I have lots to learn and I'm sure I will fail miserably at times. I trust God to take care of my children and to lead me in the right direction, especially for them.

As painful as that moment with AB was, it was also a beautiful one. My heart melted and I thank God for allowing us to bond in that way. I want to protect this little guy and make sure he has the best life that he can have. He is really so very sweet. I bought him a transformers toy and some hot wheels today...as a surprise. He was so thankful and just kept telling me over and over how excited he was. He's excited over the little things. What a wonderful little boy. I am truly blessed.