No more P4! Finally!

I think I've set a record. I've been shoving progesterone up my hoo ha since the day I found out I was pregnant! I am so thankful for it and I have not doubt that this is the only thing that kept me from miscarrying. I just never imagined that I would have SOOOOO many issues with my levels. But, I'm happy to say, the level went from 22 up to 27 up to 31.9 over the last 3 weeks!! I have to check levels one more time and God willing, they will still be up there. I have been trying to figure out how many blood draws I've had since I've been pregnant. At least 17 but most days I have to get stuck at least twice...mostly 3 times. And in the beginning especially I was getting blood drawn at least 3 times a week. I'm guessing it's about 40+ times since December 24. Fun times, huh? Thankfully I see the same girl every time and we have a system down. She no longer wants to pass out when she sees me come into the lab!

I'm home with the doggies this weekend. My husband went to visit family for his grandmother's 90th birthday party. I'm so bummed that I can't be there. The whole family is there and I love his family. But I'm not even putting my little toe on a plane until after this baby is born. I'm waaay too paranoid since 2 of my miscarriages happened right after flying.

Speaking of dogs, they are stuck to me like glue lately! I love it but if I take 2 steps they take 3. And having 3 dogs doing this gets a little tricky! I was cleaning out AB's future closet yesterday and I literally couldn't move without a dog under my feet. I finally put them outside and closed the dog door! But then the dogs didn't realize the interior door was closed and all of a sudden I hear this big THUMP! Patches tried to come through the dog door and almost knocked herself out. Poor dog! But I have to laugh!

Here is a pretty good picture of what I'm talking about!!




Hopefully we will hear from our social worker this week and find out what the game plan is for AB. It's so odd how he is already such a part of my "life". I think about him and the baby all the time. Mostly at the same time. I've started looking at boy clothes and bedding. I find myself looking at the toy department wondering what kind of toys he will like. It's just the strangest thing! I've never seen this little boy and the only picture I have is a year old. But I'm already falling in love with him! I'm so excited that he is coming to us! I can't even believe that my dream of adopting a child is actually coming true. Just like I can't believe my dream of having a baby is coming true. I am so blessed! Even if BB wasn't baking in my uteroven I would still feel blessed with AB! I still have an overwhelming fear that the bottom is going to drop out of everything. I'm just praying constantly that it's all ok!

It's a .....

Girl!!!

I had some spotting last night, just a little pink, and only once, but it terrified me. Oh, and on our anniversary of all things. Poor hubby. I called the nurse this morning and she said I could come in for a heart beat check. I rolled out of bed, without even showering, and went. Heart beat was there and strong but they wanted to send me for an ultrasound anyway. I never want to see spotting but I can view it as a blessing. I was able to see my baby sooner than later and know that she is ok. Everything looked great....organs, heart, bones, spine, brain....I was just thanking God that everything was good. She's measuring right on track and was moving and shaking. I can't wait to feel it! The ultrasound tech was amazing and carried on a conversation with me the entire time...about random stuff. Which I appreciated! It kept my mind off of the scariness of the ultrasound! She was trying to get the money shot but baby was sitting cross legged with her feet under her bottom. She looked like a little pretzel! The tech said she had an idea of the gender but couldn't see 100%. I asked what she thought and she said she thought it was a girl. So, she went to get the doc and he said everything looked great. He also said he saw "girl stuff" and that here is "no weenie". HAHA! He's the nicest man...from East Texas so he has that comfortable drawl that I love so much. Reminds me of being back in Alabama. He showed me the 3 little lines that they look for. Can't really see it on the photo but I could see it on the scan. I go back in 4 weeks. My big scan was scheduled for the 15th but he said to push it back a week and go on the 22nd. Whew!!! Here's my baby girl!

Thank you God for your many blessings! I'm going to have a son and a daughter in the next 5 months. Wow! I'm surely going to lose my mind!

We are still waiting for our big meeting to see when we get to meet AB. Hopefully it will be in the next couple of weeks. Yay!!

Ok...off to take a shower!

And just for fun....here is her arm!

Moving Forward

We got the final word today that my pregnancy will not affect adopting AB! I'm so excited! It's the one thing that has had me holding my breath! Well, besides the pregnancy itself. I was really worried that his social worker would say no once she heard the news. But she sent her congratulations and said she see's no reason why we can't move ahead. WOO HOO!! We hope to have our big meeting in the next week or two. Then we get to meet our boy! I am super duper excited about that. I can't imagine what it's going to be like and how nervous we will be. Yay!!

The pregnancy is moving right along. I'll be 17 weeks tomorrow. I still can't even believe it. I'm still nervous and sometimes I get so overwhelmingly terrified that I literally just have to stop and force myself to breathe. Just like any mother, I want my baby to be healthy and for everything to be ok. I pray that this baby doesn't have any genetic disorders and that all the organs are in place and in proper working order. I think once I have my big scan I will know more and can hopefully start to enjoy this pregnancy.

I talked to an advisor today, just to get the layout for my summer classes, etc. When I talked to an advisor in December I was told (and it was on the website) that the deadline for registering for nursing school for the spring term was July 15. Well, I knew this wouldn't work because I will not have my remaining 2 classes finished by then. Can you believe they changed the dates? The deadline in now August 17. If I finish up my classes by August 13 then I can apply to start the program in January. If I get accepted that is. Worst case scenario, I stick with my original plan of starting in August 2010. Think I'm crazy for wanting to start nursing school with what will be a 4 month old baby and a 10 year old new little boy? Yeah...exactly. I'll definitely have to play this by ear. But, it's exciting news!

Ok, gotta go study!

16 weeks

I had my OB appointment today. It wasn't much different that the heart beat checks I have been having. I saw the nurse practitioner and she is precious. I didn't even ask what my blood pressure was, and I'm only up 1 pound in 4 weeks. How in the world is that possible? I walk every day but I've been eating like a horse! I'm grateful! BB's heart rate was 170 and my uterus is right under my belly button. No pap smear yet since I've been on progesterone for 100 years. I'll be the only pregnant woman in the world to have a pap smear at 20 weeks. I feel like I'm starting to pop out. I can no longer suck in my stomach. I love it though. I scheduled my 20 week anatomy scan for April 15. Just under 4 weeks away. You think I can go that long without seeing a doctor? I'm going to try! I am just praying that all the parts are there and in the right place. I think I will be able to start enjoying this pregnancy a little more once I know that everything looks ok. Pregnancy is not for the faint of heart!

I spoke with my social worker yesterday about the pregnancy. She was excited for us and said that she doesn't think it will sway the decision at all. She will tell AB's social worker when the time is right...in a couple of weeks, but she said if it were her, she would be ok with it. Especially since AB is older and hasn't had issues being around other children. Some kids have major issues and definitely need to be an only child. But not AB. I'm excited to get his case file and learn more about him. He could be in our home in 2 months! I can't even believe that we are having to talk about child care for the summer while I'm in school and what kind of furniture we are going to buy and how we are going to handle everything! It's so exciting!

I'm gonna be a mommy!!!

Sooner rather than later! I got the call from my social worker today. We've been chosen to adopt our little guy! (I'll call him AB for now) We are beyond excited and couldn't be happier! We should receive his file next week and will be able to see what issues, if any, he has. Once we review those records, we give our official answer. Of course it will be yes! After that, we will schedule and adoption staffing and meet with his case worker, foster parents, therapist, etc. to put a transition plan in place and ask questions, get to know AB and what he likes/dislikes. Once that plan is in place, we will visit with him a few times and then he will come live with us. I'm guessing that this will take at least 2 months. Of course, this whole thing happened much faster than I thought so who knows! But we are ready.

I emailed my social worker today and told her that I was pregnant. I don't think it will make a difference, but I needed to let her know. I pray it doesn't make a difference. I still want AB to be my son!

I'm definitely looking forward to hearing BB's heart beat again on Thursday. Oh, forgot to tell you, I'm STILL on progesterone! This has got to be a record. We have been weaning me off but my levels went down hill weekly...44, 42, 32, 22...I'm still on one 200 mg supp. every other day. I'm praying it doesn't drop any more. What happened to this placenta kicking in and doing it's job? I've been told that as long as the number is between 18-25 that all is well...especially in the 2nd trimester. I'll be glad to be done with blood draws, that's for sure!

Please continue to send good vibes and prayers our way. I'm so very anxious about so much right now. It's a good anxious, for the most part!

PS - If you are my face book friend please do not post anything about this on my wall. Still haven't told everyone about the adoption. Thanks!

I Hate the Mall

So, I decided to go to the mall today. I forgot how much I really hate shopping and hate the mall even more. I let my eyes wander towards baby stuff but just for a moment. Not at clothes, but at furniture and bedding. I could only look for a minute because I started freaking out. You know, kinda felt like a fraud. I KNOW I am 4 months pregnant but I wish my uterus would tell my brain. Even with that knowledge and the fact that I can no longer suck in my stomach, it still doesn't feel real. When, if ever, will I actually be able to enjoy this?

I also got up the nerve to go into Motherhood Maternity. Yikes! I actually found one shirt on clearance for $9.99 and decided to buy it. I almost had a panic attack. But, I kept telling myself that I will need it soon enough. Oh, and there was a girl in there shopping and she asked how far along I was. (She was visibly pregnant and she told me she was 7 months) When I told her I was 4 months she kinda rolled her eyes and said in a really snotty voice "Just wait..." I debated on punching her in the face but decided that wasn't a good idea. So, instead I told her that I was actually very excited about being pregnant and that I have a history of miscarriage and infertility and that this pregnancy was touch and go at first but now we are ok. I told her that I was looking forward to every aspect of pregnancy thankyouverymuch!! Stupid people. When I paid for my shirt the girl behind the counter decided to sign me up for some pregnant woman's club where I got a goody bag with a sample of Desitin and a bottle. ???? I'm supposed to keep up with a sample of desitin and one bottle for 5 more months? Interesting.

One more random thing...my fingernails are growing so fast that I literally feel like I'm typing with talons. I have always been lucky in the fingernail department. But now? Seriously! I have to file them down at least twice a week! Is it just the prenatal vitamins? Or a combo of that and pregnancy?

16 week, 1 day appointment on Thursday.

Waiting to hear from our social worker about our little guy. Eeekkk!!!!

Still waiting.....

Got a call from our social worker. No decision was made at today's meeting. We will not know anything until next week. There is one person that has to review all of the home study's before a decision can be made. So, we wait. We did get a little more info on our little guy. He's been through a lot to be so young. Sorry I can't really share too much on here.

I know many of you are probably thinking that we are crazy for adopting while expecting a baby. Believe me, we've thought about it more than you have. I wasn't pregnant, nor did I think I ever would be, when we started this process. We even talked about it with our social worker during our home study. She knew we were trying to get pregnant and asked if we would drop out if that happened. I told her no. We've already made a commitment to the child we are going to adopt. It has to be made before you even meet your child. My being pregnant doesn't change my desire to adopt a child and give him the best life I can. Our little guy needs major stability. He's been bounced around for years...as have most foster children. Will it be difficult to become a new mom? Absolutely. Do we learn as we go? Absolutely. I imagine having a 9 year old and a new born at the same time will be much easier than having twins! At least the 9 year old can take care of himself in so many ways!! Plus, we haven't even been chosen yet. I hope and pray that we are, but we just don't know. I am ready to be a mother. I've been ready for years now. This is the most exciting time of my life and I'm ready! Bring it on!

100th Post, 15 weeks, Adoption Update

I'm not sure why the 100th post is so special. But, I see people celebrating this milestone all the time and thought I would join in. Who knew I had so much to say? =)

I heard BB's heart beat again today. In the past it has sounded more like a swooshing sound. Today it was more like a thumping one. The nurse found it right away and as always, my eyes got teary with relief. Heart rate was in the upper 150's. 16 week OB appointment is next Thursday.

And now, the big news of the day!! I got a call from our social worker, Amy, today. The staff meeting to determine who will be the best fit for our little guy is tomorrow! I thought for sure it would take a few weeks to get everything set up. But nope! They are meeting at 10 am tomorrow. Our social worker can't make the trip to Dallas, but she we attend the meeting via conference call. We will find out tomorrow if we've been chosen to be his parents! Holy Cow!! That would be so awesome!! I told Amy that while we would love to be his parents, the most important thing is finding the best match for him. We may not be it. And if we aren't, that's ok. He comes first. We have already committed to parenting a child that comes to us. It just needs to be a good fit all around. I'll let you know what happens!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Pregnancy Weirdness...

I have been having THE most bizarre dreams. Most of them I can't remember, but some of them just leave me shaking my head in disbelief! Two of the most recent ones...I dreamed that the singer Rhiana (sp?) gave birth to identical twin goats. Then she proceeded to breast feed them. After seeing her do this, I realized that I needed to pump (although I don't have a baby to feed yet!). Do you remember those playdough toys where you put the dough inside and squish down and it looks like hair coming out of the toy's head? Yeah, well that's what happened to my boobs. White playdough came out. AAACK!!! Then I squeezed again and it looked like I turned on a faucet...milk gushing out. I think I woke up gagging!!

Oh, and today? Tiger Woods called and asked me to meet him for lunch at Casa Chapala (Mexican rest. here in Austin). I told him I was busy.

.....

I never can figure out what to title these posts. So I just decided not to. =)

I really don't have much going on. Between my husband and me studying all the time, we don't have time for fun. Oh yeah, and he works 50+ hours a week. You get my point. I've got 2 tests this week so wish me luck. I'm not worried about my math test but I have no idea how I'm going to pull off a passing grade in microbiology. It's just too much information! I'm going to try my hardest but dang!! This stresses me out.

I guess the only update about pregnancy is regarding my progesterone. After dropping my progesterone to 200 mg once a day, my P4 went from 42 to 32. Not too bad. My doc/RE said I could stop all together but that panics me too much. I decided to do 1 200 mg every other day. I'll check back in a week. If it's still up there I guess I'll have to stop. No meds? What? I'm not going to know what to do with myself!! Almost 15 weeks. I'm counting down the minutes here.

I came across an interesting entry on a blog I follow today. This girl went through so much and finally got pregnant via IVF with twins. They came early and they are now 5 months old (i think). The first thing you see on her blog today? A photo of a positive pregnancy test. What?!?! Can you imagine? I mean, I know she's excited but she has 5 month old babies!! I can't even imagine! I guess anything is possible, huh?

14 weeks

I went in for my weekly check today. BB's heartbeat was 162. Whew! I swear, I get so nervous when I go in there. I can't even believe we've made it this far. Only 26 weeks to go...ugh.

We picked out our photos for the family book! I had them printed today and bought some things to make a little scrap book. Apparently little guy loves bugs, so I bought several scrap book sticker sets with bugs. I hate bugs. Imagine how much fun having a son will be??!? AHHH! Having a son. How cool!!!

I've got so much to do. I'll let you know when I hear something.

Semi Chosen

My social worker called today and left a message on my cell phone. She said that she had something to tell us and to call her back as soon as possible. OH MY GOSH!!! I had to leave her a message and she finally called back. She said that she got an email today from the case worker of a child that we submitted a home study on. The case worker really liked our home study and said it was her favorite out of all the studies received (over 1oo!). While this is great news, we haven't been officially chosen. The next step involves a staffing meeting to review the top 3 family choices for the child. And we are included in that 3!! We will know more on Friday about when the staffing is going to be. In the meantime, we are to make a family book for the child. Basically a scrap book/photo album for him to look at if we are chosen, and for the staffing folks to see during their meeting. HOW FUN! I am trying to stay calm because we haven't been chosen yet, but this is a great step in the right direction. And notice, I said 'him'. We have been most interested in girls, but this little guy came along and we really liked him. He's a cutie. 9 years old, blonde hair, bright blue eyes, beautiful skin! I've never seen my husband more excited! I'll keep you posted.

Oh and because any excitement in my life always seems to be followed by drama, we got the results of our first trimester screening bloodwork today. I am at an "increased" risk from the norm of having a child w/ downs syndrome. I was told that the normal result is 1/160. I have been asking Dr. Google and these results tend to be different across the board. One website said 1/230 was normal? Not sure if the 1/160 is in my age group or what. ANYWAY, my risk is 1 in 69. Of course I know that this is just a screening, not a diagnosis, blah, blah, blah...and that once you turn 35 the odds go up just because. Even if my child did have Downs I would love it and give it the best care possible. I just really hope and pray that BB is completely normal and doesn't have to live with any type of issues. It's just really hard to have special needs in this world....and I worry most about the baby. Not what would I do, but how would my baby handle it. I'm just leaving it in God's hands. There is nothing I can do and nothing I would do either way.
At least the actual ultrasound measurement was very low at 1.1. That gives me some assurance!
We will just see what happens at our 20 week anatomy scan and just go from there.

Please keep us in your prayers! Say a prayer too for our little guy. He doesn't even know that there is a family out there that desperately wants to be his parents. I hope he knows how much he's already loved. =) We would love to be his parents, but ultimately he needs the family best suited for him. Sigh....