So Very Tired

I can't believe how absolutely exhausted I've been. I went to bed at 11 last night and didn't move until 8 this morning. I finally got out of bed at 10:30 only to lay on the couch and sleep until 12:30. Then I showered and put on my flannel PJ's. I intend to wear them for the rest of the day! It's actually cold enough for flannel pj's today, believe it or not! It was 80 yesterday and around 35-40 today. I've got lots of homework/reading that I need to do. I really need to get motivated so I won't get behind.

Nothing really new to report. Still nauseous, still having aversions to smells. The deodorant I am wearing today is about to knock me out. I've worn it before and it didn't bother me but gosh..it's killing me today. I think I'm going to have to wash my pits and try again. Ugh. Still spotting the dark brown nastiness. I had a good bit last night and quickly realized that I probably over did it yesterday. I was busy cleaning and doing all kinds of things around the house. So, I'm taking it very easy today.

My hubs has been sick this week and I took him to the doctor yesterday. Not sure if you have heard about the allergies that abound in Austin or not. We were told when we moved here that if we didn't have allergies when we got here, we would soon enough. They were right. He has Cedar Fever. Pollen from the cedar trees is just out of control in Dec/Jan., and people get so sick from it. Like a horrible cold but worse. Anyway, he got a shot in the butt and I thought he was going to pass out. I HAD to laugh! The nurse told him to drop his pants and he literally started hyper ventilating. Of course it doesn't hurt but he has a huge fear of needles: blood draws, shots, etc. Needless to say, he gets NO sympathy from me. HAHAHAHA

I realized today that I am still not, and probably won't ever be, over the sting of infertility. Here I am, pregnant, and I still feel the sting when I hear about other peoples successes....or about their ultrasounds, etc. If I hadn't gone through all the miscarriages do you think that it would hurt less? It's not that I'm jealous....it's more like I can't imagine that everything will be ok with me, and it will probably be textbook with them. It's like this overwhelming fear kicks in for some strange reason. I don't really know how to explain it but I can say that (as my 3 year old niece says) I CAN'T LIKE IT! I have to go through this day by day and try not to think too far ahead.

My 9 week ultrasound in on Wednesday and I'm praying non-stop that everything will be ok. I try to tell myself that there is no reason that this pregnancy won't be ok. From what I've been told, once you see a strong heartbeat, that the chance of miscarriage drops to about 3 %. I wish I could find comfort in that because I've been that 3% twice. But, I'm trying!