99.99999% Sure #4 is Over

Warning: TMI Alert

I haven't had any spotting in almost 2 days and was pretty excited about that. Well, that all came to a crashing halt this afternoon. I was walking my dogs and had walked about 10 minutes from home when I felt this gush. It literally felt like I peed on myself. I turned around to come home and just before I got there, I felt this "clot" come out. I went straight to the bathroom and was covered in blood. I saved the clot that was in my underwear, you know, just in case. I was horrified/terrified, etc. I called my nurse and she said to save the clot, just in case, and to go immediately to have blood drawn. They won't have results until tomorrow morning, but that way we can see if there is any need to come in for an ultrasound. If my HCG has dropped, we know that it's a miscarriage. If not, then what the crap? I'm trying to stay calm, and for the most part am. I know there is nothing I can do. The bleeding has really slacked off so maybe there will be some miracle. But, I doubt it. I really find myself wondering what is the point in trying to get pregnant if I can't stay that way. When I miscarried the first time, I had bleeding and cramps ahead of time...constant bleeding. I had no pain whatsoever. I don't know...this is just such a effing mess. I'll let you know what happens with the blood work. DAMN IT ALL!!